Saturday, June 21, 2008

Miss Independent

OK. Let me start this post off by saying over the past few months (the ones that I actually posted), my blog went from fun/funny, posts, to a little bit more personal and sappy. Sometimes I need the outlet to vent and get some feedback on my complicated and sometimes extremely overwhelming life. This is the last 'personal' post I think I'm going to write for some time. Not at all because it's not what does or does not sell, but because I actually have my drive to write back, and while I was on my Saturday morning jog this morning, my mind was racing with things to write about. I really missed the flowing words that used to come so naturally to me.

I've always considered myself a "Miss Independent". If you don't understand what I mean, exactly by that, I'll explain. In my humble opinion, Miss Independent is the type of woman that feels like she can get by just fine on her own. I've never really needed a best friend or a man to complete me, or make me feel like my opinions meant something. I don't need backup when I believe in something and I don't need reassurance that I'm making the right decision. I do often struggle with being a more independent-type-woman, because it means staying pretty busy. Very busy, actually.

Human nature is wanting some kind of companionship. Human nature is calling someone when you're excited about something or proud of an achievement or accomplishment. This is no way saying that I have no friends, at all. I do have plenty of friends, but the amount of close, personal friends are extremely few and far between. I have a feeling that this stems from my childhood. This is a subject I've touched on before, so it doesn't need much explaining. If you haven't been reading this blog for a long time, or you have, but you overlooked this post, you should read it to get an idea. It explains a hell of a lot about the person that is, Simply Curious Girl.

It's obvious that I don't often open my heart and let someone in. When I do though, I do it wholeheartedly. Its not easy to do, and it leaves me vulnerable to all kinds of pain and heartache. The last three, (and only three) times that I've done it, I've made it very clear before I did, that I'm a very sensitive person. I'm the type of person that needs defending because I can't fight. I'm the type of person that would rather cower and cry than get in someone's face or scream and fight. So this time has been no different. The day I realized I was open and my heart was exposed, I made it advertently clear what kind of woman I am because I didn't want to get hurt. I don't want to hurt... Who wants to hurt?!?!

I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this post, because I can't really explain to myself, let alone anyone else, what's going on in my situation, right now. But I do want to say that my heart has taken a bit of a strike and I just need a little bit of comfort. Last night, I curled up in the fetal position, in bed and cried like I haven't cried in quite some time. My stuffed Eeyore comforted me like he used to when I was a little girl, and I just sobbed until I could sob no more. This morning my eyes are nice and puffy and I'm still dragging a little. OK. A lot... Why do I feel like my world is crashing down around me, and will it go away?

Before I end this post on a sad, shitty note, I really wanted to thank the people that have stood by this blog and stood by me, even through all that time that I was gone. The emails and IMs that I've gotten mean a lot more to me than I let on. So, thank you, everyone. I do accept checks and money orders if you're feeling generous. Oh, and of course PayPal.

Weary, so underrate my jury
fear me, I push pencil fury
standing over you like a mirage
hazard warning
safe sabotage

I underrated my rating
left the court debating
oh sorry baby, were you waiting?
in the clear but still fading

love is real man
so what if the ocean's rocks miss you
and in the beginning, it was actually pretty easy to resist you
but I had to eat the bug that bit you

I'm sitting under you
like a fascade
safe sabotage

tired of not running
ice cream sundaes
with you I actually love Mondays
and face a lot of mundane days
like a crossroad thats only one-way

Safe sabotage...

I generally post once or twice a week when I'm regularly posting, so next week back my regularly scheduled programing. I didn't realize how much I missed my blog until I started typing. I'm most definitely back!!


  1. Welcome back Miss Independent woman! Any tips on this independence thing, cause I suck at it.

  2. I think I'm the wrong person to ask, right about now. I've been failing miserably at it for the past few months.

  3. Take it from me...when the world is crashing down around you; believe it or not, in time, it WILL go away. Just allow yourself to feel and experience what you are going through now and as time progresses you will see that it has slowly become better. It does happen...not matter how low and hopeless you may feel. Hang in there

  4. Rebecca, I know. Trust me, I know. I know that time does heal most wounds. In this case, as usual, I was over emotional and probably overreacting. I'm definitely a hyper sensitive girl, and it's something about myself that I don't think I would completely change if I could. I've felt the world stop turning a number of times, but thankfully, it always starts to turn again, fairly quickly.

  5. What. The. Fuck. Is. Going. ON?? How did all of this happen overnight? We talked yesterday after you set my house on fire and everything was just fine. Well, until you got struck by lightning of course. What happened? I'm starting to worry sugar tush, because you're not answering your phone and I don't know if you're okay. As per your comment above, I only have one thing, as if, to say. Hyper sensitive doesn't begin to describe you. Over reacting doesn't begin to describe your reaction to a lot of things, but I can add something to two things that would normally make a girl sound like a totally neurotic bitch, which is something you're not. You, my dear S, can push your own problems aside, ALWAYS to deal with other peoples' problems. You're always nice. Always. You're always sweet. Sometimes sickeningly sweet, but still sweet nonetheless. I know you better than anyone that reads this blog, other than your mother of course (hi Mother) and I know that you would never say an unkind word to even your worst enemy if you knew it might really hurt them. And you. You are the most loyal, thoughtful, caring little bitch I've ever met. If you don't answer your phone and tell me what the hell happened, I'm driving through those burning mountains and kidnapping you while tickling you until you spill the beans little girl.

  6. Sorry you feel that way, sometime I do, but then, dammit, life is too short.

    Hope you feel better.

  7. Your poor darling. I'd take you to the circus if I didn't live in the jungle.

  8. yeehah! i am so glad you're back to normal- though i am sorry someone has gone and hurt you!!!

    i can't wait to read you regularly again!!!

  9. Blogging is like heroin. You can't quit it.

  10. Lou, you're the best and if you weren't gay, Id marry you. Hell, I'll marry you anyway.

    Malach, I'm still young enough to think life is too long. In about 10 years I'm sure I'll be trying to live it up too. As for feeling better, I thought I would this morning, and I don't. So there.

    Gorilla, I'm only going to the circus if there aren't any midget clowns there. Midget clowns will give me nightmares and seeing as I might pee my pants in fear, it might just make matters worse for me.

    Angel, you're one of the very few people that's been here *almost* since the beginning. You're a doll; thanks fr always trying to cheer me up on off days.

    C.Rag, come on... Lots of people quit heroin.

  11. Well I'm pleased you're coming back on a regular basis. Good writing cannot be substituted, and you, my friend, write good.

    Take care of yourself. x

  12. Awww... thank you, Kitty! When I opened my email and read your comment, it brought a smile to my face. Thank you so much. Flattery is almost as good as chocolate ice cream. Almost...

  13. :?( i hate to hear how sad you sound. is there anything i can do? i know how you feel even though it probably doesn't help to hear it. all i can do is send you some virtual hugs.

    i'm looking forward to more posts no matter what you write about. i really really really really really rrrrreeeeaaaaallllyyyy missed you SCG! !!!!big virtual squeezes!!!!

  14. I'll marry you but only on paper and I'll hold you but only if you give me your word you'll keep your panties on. Any straight guy would be insane to pass you up anyway. Remember Lenny M? He was gay and STILL wanted you. Trust me. You deserve someone who knows what they're getting and would fight for what they might miss out on.

    P.S. Your ass looks great in stars. Nice new profile photo.

  15. Lucky, thanks a bunch. :)

    Lou, relax hun, I'm fine. No worries. :) I'm a big girl, you know. Yeah, the stars, haha. It was changed by popular demand.

  16. I've been following this blog for some time. Obviously not as long as some here and I've only commented a minuscule handful of times. So I don't know you personally but from what I've read, you don't seem like the type of woman that can be kept down for long. I've seen you go through death and tragedy over the last year that would break a "simply weak girl" down, but weak is not a word that comes to mind when I think of the girl that writes this blog.

    Do you mind if I ask how old you are? Because you write with the wisdom at times of a much older, mre mature woman, but at times I still picture you as a girl maybe in her late teens. Forgive me for saying, but that ass sure isn't one of an older woman. And if it is, why doesn't my ex wife's look like that?

  17. AHHH! Nice to have you back. ((BIG HUG))Is that a new pair of red panties I see on the front page? (DRIP & GIGGLE)

  18. How much money do you need? Oh, wait, I don't have any money. Never mind.

    P.S. Glad you're back.

  19. You'll bounce back quickly, I can tell... independent girls don't let something keep them down for too long.

    Glad that you'll be blogging regularly again! It's almost like the fall when all your favorite tv shows start having new episodes again.


  20. Sorry it's been a while. Sorry you're having a tough time. I hope things get better for you really soon (and trust me, things do get better). Just keep hanging on.

  21. A broken heart takes time to heal. Getting back to blogging might be the best thing for you.

    Glad you're back and hope your heart heals quickly. :)

  22. You'll be fine and you know you have a lot of support out here.

    Hang in there and honestly, blogging can be good therapy.

  23. Anon, I do mind if you ask how old I am. Not because I think I'm too old or too young to share, but because on this blog, I chose to preserve my anonymity to a certain extent, and be judged by what I write, and not by my age. As for the rest of your comment, all I can say is thank you, and if you ex wife's ass sags, she doesn't work out as much as I do. ;)

    Lucky, up until yesterday evening, no. I really hadn't felt better, at all. Yesterday I got a little bit of a pick-me-up, and it helped me to wake up in a better space this morning.

    Sara, good eye! Funny, not too many people have noticed, but yes, it's a new one. Nice to be back. :)

    Angry man, just change that damn profile picture and well call it even. I hate that one, and I can't see it. After searching and searching, I found you your old one, and you never put it back for me. Cruel.

    Jess, haha, I never thought of it like that. I didn't realize how long I'd been gone until I went through my archives a little. It really has been awhile!

    Shrig, thanks for popping in. It's been awhile sine I've seen you here. Thanks for the words, and I'm working on and doing much better today. I'm just hoping I can stay this way.

    Ann, you're right about the heart thing. I've seen some of the, biggest, strongest people get all wrapped up and crumble to little pieces.

    Mike, It's nice knowing I have friends out there, like you. I'm pretty sure you're the only one quite like yourself, but thanks for being you.

  24. I love to compose emails and blog postings while I'm jogging or kayaking. Hopefully, you endorphins will keep you in a good frame of mind.

  25. Welcome back girlfriend!

    There is nothing wrong with being independent at all.

    You go girl!

  26. Because your back...I will probably start up my blog agian......I will have risen from the blogger grave to write again....BUT only if you tell me you miss me. I was always here for you just a Emial away...AND YOU KNOW FROM WRITING AND HEARING FROM ANN THAT OUR DOOR IS ALWAYS OPEN TO YOU..If you want to talk or just shoot the bull about anything....E mial us

  27. Your a little trooper and a star I can tell from the blogs, I know a few other woman that really try to be the Miss Independent type but it takes guts and principles to see it through and to not take the easy options......
    Sometimes it does get to much, nothing wrong with a big cry, yeah it does make you feel alone of your on your own, maybe afraid, but brush yourself down, clear your head and keep going .....
    Take care hun

    stay safe, laters


  28. You go, Miss Independent! Hang in there, things get better. And yes, you do eventually reach the point where life goes by far too fast. It's some sort of weird cosmic joke that it goes by too slow when you don't want it to. But all we can do is laugh in it's face, so laugh away, and you'll feel better. Everything passes, and then new stuff comes. Always.

  29. I'm new here, but from the little I've read so far, I can say also,
    "Glad you're back!"

    ~~Pleased to meet 'cha!


  30. Man I totally feel you on everything! Are we doublemint twins? Check out my blog to see what I'm talking about hunny! It's not easy out there for laides like 'us'.