Sunday, June 27, 2010

The Internet is for Porn

The proverbial question in my mind today, is why do attached men that have perfectly willing partners need porn?

It's something that's never really made a lot of sense to me. So, you have a partner that's ready, willing and able pretty much 24/7, so why spend your time wanking at the computer screen? Seriously... her hands must feel better than your own. No?

Porn is something that's always sort of put me off. I know plenty of men and women that appreciate it, but it's never really done it for me. I've tried watching it on various occasions, but it always makes me laugh uncontrollably. The sounds, the positions, the people, etc.; porn just feels like I'm watching a comedy gone really, really bad. Same as hearing other people have sex. Mind you, I make plenty of my own stupid moans and whimpers during sex, but some people overdo it to the extreme.

I was in a hotel room once, and at about 1:00 am, I was awoken by the sounds of "Fuck me Jimmy!" My bed, being on the opposite wall of theirs, like something out of a bad sitcom began clinking against the wall as some woman on the other side of the wall was screaming at the top of her lungs. Seriously?! I've had some amazing sex in my life, but I think screaming at the top of your lungs is just overkill. I imagine it makes your partner feel like he's doing his job, but personally, if I were a man, I think I'd prefer the soft whimper when something actually does feel good. You never hear men going on like they're being stabbed in the gut repeatedly. Seriously, if I wasn't laughing so hard, knowing what was going on in the next room, I would've thought she was being murdered.

But question is this. Why do men look at porn when they have a partner that can't keep her hands off of him? Maybe it's less pressure? Maybe it's less high maintenance? Maybe he'd rather concentrate on getting himself off and only himself? It's just a question. Anyone have the answer?

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Fucking Weirdos...

OK. So awhile back, I got this note on my door from this little girl named Lily (age 7). It was a no smoking sign. Now, no smoking signs I can deal with. Big deal... Who says I smoke anyway? COFF!

Today, I went to the post office and was gone for maybe...hmm..20 minutes. If that, to be honest. There was no queue and I zipped in and out in no time. When I got home, I came to find a new note PINNED to my door. Now, the first thing that ran through my mind was Homer Simpson strangling little Bart, except it was my hands around little Lily's throat. But alas...nooo... On closer inspection, I realised it wasn't from Lily at all. It was poorly written and it looked a lot more like someone who was an adult tried a little too hard to make it look like it was from a child. This wasn't Lily... Nope.

The little piece of paper PINNED to my door with what looked like a little sewing pin, said "I see your knickers." Admittedly, last night I ran across the living room naked with the window open, BUT all of the lights were off and NO ONE could've POSSIBLY seen me. Also the spelling on it was terrible, which makes me worry if this is an adult. It said "I see you're nickers" Yes... I'd be embarrassed to post that on someone's front fucking door, wouldn't you?

I was going to let this go, but to be honest it's quite dodgy and quite disconcerting. I mean, who the hell is looking in my window often enough to see my knickers, anyway? And if they DID see me run across my flat at 4:00am with no clothes on, would they seriously pin a note to my door about it? I ended up phoning the police and reporting the note. So maybe that seems just a little anal, but the police found it a bit disconcerting as well. So now we wait. Hopefully no more notes will appear but the notes have been saved and I'm hoping it was just a prank by some stupid kids in the neighborhood.



Tuesday, May 18, 2010

YOU eat it!

Some people call themselves picky eaters. Some people will eat anything. I, on the other hand manage not to like anything until I play with it enough to be edible.

Examples of my pickyness. Is that even a word? Pickiness? Pickyness? Fuck it. I'm picky. Spell check doesn't like the word no matter which way I spell it. I went to lunch last week and ordered a chicken salad sandwich. Now, chicken salad is what? Chicken and mayo, right? So why do they feel the need to pile cucumbers, tomatoes, lettuce, sprouts, and what-ever-the-fuck else she put in there. I can't turn my head for a second without seeing a GIANT sandwich. I go to the bench to eat it and pick everything out. When I say everything, I mean I was left with nothing but a couple chunks of chicken and some mayo. Even the mayo was almost gone. So basically, I ate fucking bread for lunch.

I've gotten a little bit better over time. I used to have to have all of my food separated on the plate. If any of it was touching, I wouldn't eat it. I'd make giant food volcanoes and have them erupting mushy peas.

A list of disgusting foods.

-Mushrooms - Slimy disgusting FUNGI that taste like ass. Not that I've ever tasted ass... Or that I'll ever admit to it..

- Sprouts - This includes all brussel (spelling?!?) sprouts and bean sprouts.

- Any kind of meat that's rare, medium rare or raw. How the hell can anyone eat meat that isn't fully cooked?!? If it looks like it's bloody, keep it far away from me unless you want to see it come back up when I try to eat it.

- Leafy greens - I don't like lettuce that isn't iceberg. If it's too green, I won't touch it. I also hate broccoli, spinach and cooked green peppers but I can eat them raw.

- Fish - Just ANY kind of fish. If it looks like fish, smells like fish or tastes like fish, I won't touch it. Drown tuna in all the mayo you want. It's still fucking fish. This includes all shell fish or chicken prepared like fish. Not happening. And don't try to trick me either, because I always know.

- Any food that I haven't inspected before I eat it. That means taking it apart and putting it back together to my liking.

I do have a slightly promiscuous attitude toward food. I don't like everything, but if I DO like it, then expect to have it everyday until you find something else I like. I can live on overcooked chicken and fruit until the end of time. Oh, and snack food. Nothing beats a bag of crisps in the morning and a diet coke. Breakfast of champions.

This has been a lesson to all you parents out there. Don't let your children dictate what they will and won't eat. Force them to eat their veggies or they might just end up erupting out of Icelandic volcanoes made out of mashed potatoes and green beans.


Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Fear itself....

I was sitting outside this morning, and a little guy walked by. No wait. Not a little guy. A REALLY little guy. I have never liked midgets. I don't know what scarred me to the point that if I see one, I start to sweat and have to cross the street but it's there. Call me evil, call me prejudice, I don't give a fuck! They SCARE me. Genuine fear, here.

Anyway, I just had to say that I finally looked up what the name of the phobia was clinically for someone afraid of midgets/dwarfs, and surprisingly... it was... achondroplasiaphobia . Jesus H. Christ. Achondroplasiaphobia is a really fucking long word for being afraid of something so damn small.

What are YOU afraid of?

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

My Preciousssss

So, those who know me might say I'm somewhat of a nerd. OK. Very much a nerd. I play a lot of video games, dress up at events for said video games, and watch shitloads of movies.

I've been known to quote movies often, painstakingly Lord of the rings. Example, while hanging with my best friend, I would quote it ALL the time. She'd say something to the effect of,"Be really careful with that, it's old." I'd get all creepy and say, "Don't worry, it's my preciousssss." Nods and laughs from her. But I realized that my friend didn't actually know what movie I've been quoting when I said, God, how crazy was Gollum, hey? Her response... "What's a Gollum?" Now what the fuck did you think I was doing when I would say things like, "It's tricksy ya hobbits"? Or someone wouldn't answer their phone and I'd say in the same creepy voice,"They is not our friennnnd." And more importantly, what the hell did you think I was doing when I walked into a room and said in a deep dark voice,"I am never late, nor am I early... I arrive precisely when I mean to" while stroking my long fake beard...

Do you just think I'm extremely fucking weird? Do you just laugh at ANY kind of weird shit that I do? Maybe I could just say something that isn't even a quote from a movie. "Oh, what a little crickily boxily, I won't break it." Would you just laugh and say I was so funny? You bitch.

And I stopped and thought, what the fuck have you all been laughing at these past few years? When I stood in doorways and said "You shall not pass!" And you'd all giggle. What were you all giggling at? When I let you borrow my necklace and you asked if I was sure, and I said,"I choose a mortal life" Why wouldn't you say something since it was such an obviously bizarre thing to say?? You fucking twat!

Anyway, sort of moving on, I thought of some quotes.

Let's see who can name these. Remember please I'm a nerd.

"I wrote you every day for a year!"
"I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse"
"I'm 16 years old and I don't need a governess"
"No one knows what it means, but it's provocative!"
"I coulda been a contender"
"I'm in a glass cage of emotion!"
"Look at this stuff, isn't it neat?"
"Say hello to my little friend"

I suppose there are some references some people wouldn't get. Like, Lord of the rings isn't a film everyone would've seen. Maybe I just need to stop quoting it or continue looking like an extremely dim and slightly insane girl...

Friday, March 19, 2010

Only sleep

I haven't slept since I got to England. Wait, correction. I sleep, just not much. I wonder how much the body can actually take before it just crashes, honestly. I get a few hours a night here and there. To fall asleep, it's green tea and a sleeping pill (or two). About 3 or 4am, I wake up and take another sleeping pill, but usually, I'm up again by about 6:00ish. I miss sleep. I used to be able to sleep until 2:00 in the afternoon if no one bugged me, but this morning I was up about 5:00am and just couldn't get back to sleep. So, I'm up.

Apparently, I suffer from something called akathisia. Which is basically like, a restless feeling that makes it hard to sit still and stay asleep through the night. I don't want to get on any medications, since my history with doctors giving me medications hasn't been the best. So, I wait. Like I said before, I know the body needs to adjust. We all change over time, and our bodies learn to get what they need. I just wish my body would catch up with my mind because I'm going slightly insane.

This song says a LOT.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I am SOOOOO......

....absolutely, positively, excruciatingly, BORED. I mean, think about it. You're home and sick... What is there to do? You have TV, but I'm sorry, daytime TV in the UK is quite SHIT. Then you have your laptop or desktop, whatever, a fucking computer, and even that doesn't seem to do the trick because you KNOW you have nothing else to do. How many times do we get wrapped up in soem stupid online game for HOURS when we have tons of stuff to do.

I'm a great procrastinator. I'm an awesome procrastinator. In fact, I did all of my packing in one day when I left NY. We're talking a whole Goddamn apartment. I don't think we can forgtet for a second that I'm female and have tons of CRAP everywhere. But try fitting all of your things from your home into two suitcases. Whatever, I'm off topic.

When I know I have something to do, I find other shit to do so that I can avoid the dreaded task at hand. But sitting here, home and sick, I can't find a damn thing to do. I've literally had to stop myself from just staring at the walls for hours at a time. I sat and watched a blue screen on tv today for about 20 minutes. And no...I'm not kidding. So if anyone still reads this fucking blog, HELP!!! Someone give me something other than something stupid like Farmville. I know some serious Farmville addicts. Oh! Plus, I'm also looking for new tunes. I need some new shit in my ipod. I listen to a little of everything so any suggestins would be great. But first thing's first... how to pass a sick day....week...month. Ech.

Monday, February 22, 2010

So, it's a new year, sorta, and I haven't blogged in God knows how long. But so much has been happening in my life that I just couldn't keep my little fingers from moving.

First off, I've made a huge move. For those of you that know this blog, if anyone is still reading it...You know I lived in NYC and I was going to school there. For those of you that have been following this blog for longer, know that I had a prescription pill issue that my doctor referred me to methadone for. I was emailed by numerous people telling me not to get on methadone, and I know now that it was probably the worst thing I've ever gotten myself into. I was still on it up until about a couple of weeks ago. I went to a clinic, spending over $10,000, to do a rapid detox. It's extremely hard to find information on this program, so I want to just let a little bit of info out. Basically, you're put under general anesthesia and completely detoxed. Then you're put in a room with a nurse under excruciating detox, for a few days. I hardly remember any of it. I was given a Naltrexone implant which is debatable. Apparently it's used to for alcoholics as well. it's supposed to block your receptors and not let your body feel any of the euphoric effects of either narcotics, or alcohol. It also blocks cigarettes I think. Or at least makes them taste like shit. So I have these 5 stitches in my abdomen which are a bitch, because of this implant. And since I've left the country, they can't even take them out for me. Yay! I get to practice being a doctor even before I've managed to reach rounds... I think it's giving me all kinds of side efffects but the doctors and nurses say that they're normal. So there's one update. Wish me luck because I still feel like shit, even if I am a little bit better day by day. Or so people keep telling me. I've also lost about 15 pounds getting off of this shit, which thank god, because I had gained so much weight and I couldn't understand why. Thanks Methadone. :)

So, back to why I initially started this post. I'm going to be in the UK for the next few months being taken care of by someone very special. Someone who has never let me down, and someone that I absolutely love dearly. He has been a good little nurse and taken care of all my pill times and writing everything down. They say in less than a month I'll be "myself" whatever myself is. I don't think I've ever been labeled as anything, nor have I felt "normal" for a pretty long time.... So, no one can blame me or say that I haven't reached out and told people what's going on in Curious World. Of course the fun part comes when I'm better, and I go exploring my surroundings. That should be fun. In this neighborhood, I have a feeling I'll have plenty to share. :)