Monday, May 5, 2008

I'm going Insane...

So, I have a twitchy eye.. Ever had one of those? It's like, you feel it. You know the thing is fucking twitching, but no one else notices it? Fuck.


So anyway, it went away, but now it's back. It's back and it's mad. It wants to be heard. It wants to be seen. It used to be that other people wouldn't be able to see it if I forced them to stare at my head, but now you can see it. At least, I can see it. I can really notice it. It looks like my eye wants to leave my face, or something! Needless to say, a few cups of coffee in me and my twitch, I've turned into South Park's Tweek.

It's my right eye. The twitch is in the upper eyelid, and it appears the twitch will go away only when I'm talking about, worrying about, addressing or thinking about the twitch. I searched the Internet and found a range of solutions. Ones that started with "It's perfectly normal," to "...Unless it's a brain tumor." Blink. Blink. A brain tumor.
The Web doctors seem to all agree that it's caused by caffeine, lack of sleep or stress. God, you've just gotta love the internet.

Well, I guess I'm just living with a twitchy right eye for the rest of my life, as I don't see how I'm going to get rid of one of those three things. I mean, come on people, I gave up smoking. I'm sure as hell not giving up my couple cups of coffee a day. I don't even drink soda that often. I drink like, a liter and a half of water a day. I exercise. I try to sleep six to seven hours a night. I try. In high school and my first year of college, I only slept four hours a night (if that). Hell, a few months ago, I was only sleeping about five a night (if that). I'm sleeping more than I've ever slept before.

Check it: I nap. Nap like I'm fifty. Nap like, "Shit, grocery shopping was so exhausting. Where's my pillow?"

I keep rubbing my eye, hoping that a little pressure or a tiny massage will help. I tried not drinking coffee, drinking more coffee, sleeping until eleven in the morning, and a mask. I'm still twitchy.

Then I worried that I was really sick, and that the headaches I get on my left side aren't from stress or some shit, but from the tumor I have in my head. I worry that I caused this by letting that stylist pluck my eyebrows for the past 3 years. I worry that it's because I'm worried about money, about traveling, about moving, about paying all of my bills. I worry that it's because I'm behind in my work, wishing I could just sit still and read a good novel.

(Sidenote: all I want to do is sit and read this novel I have, by the way. It's by one of my favorite authors and I think it's terrible I haven't been able to read it yet. But, to be honest, I bought it over three weeks ago. Then I read what it was about, and I'm so scared by the concept of the book, combined with my lingering feelings and shivers I got from the last one, that I talked myself out of reading it for the time being. I got too scared to read the book. How sad is that? I had to read a breezy book, to work up my nerve.)

Then I worry that I'm worrying too much and then my eye starts to twitch. Again. Actually, it was only twitching when I left the house. When I met with someone. Now it's just twitching all the time. Today I think it twitched more than it didn't twitch. I hate this. I hate having to feel it twitch all day. Nobody sees it, at all. Nobody notices it, at all. But the fact of the matter is, that I know that it's there. I know I'm twitching. It makes me feel all full of anxiety, the soles of my feet twitch, I can see dark circles under my eyes (and I've never, ever had those before), and I start to worry that every single thing that happens to me is another sign that I'm sick and dying. OK. That's exaggerating just a tad...but STILL!

Trying to avoid anxiety gives me more anxiety than anything else. Now the twitch is winning, you see? It's taking control, I tell you! It's telling me to think about it all the time. It's making me think that something's wrong with me, which only makes me feel worse, which only encourages the twitch to keep on dancing. ....breathe....

'Kay. I guess that's all I have to say, tonight. I'll pop back in, soon with a more, um, conventional, Simply Curious, post.

I'm considering the big move to Word Press. I bought myself the domain name, sometime ago, and I'm slowly trying to figure it out. What do people think? Blogger is starting to really piss me off, and it's sure as hell not helping my fucking twitchy eye!


41 comments:

  1. Sounds like somebody needs a little woosaw...

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  2. oh my friggin word that would drive me insane!!!
    i hope it stops soon- or you find a reason for it or something...

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  3. I had the same problem this summer. It went away after a few weeks. Don't worry, all will be well in your world soon, SCG.

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  4. OK I feel your pain here. If I get upset, nervous or anxious I get a twitch. The twitch gets more noticable depending on the strength of the feeling. I had to give a speech once and I felt/saw the twitch go into high gear. I finished and sat down and someone next to me said, "Wow, thought you were having a seizure up there!" Feeling it makes it worse.

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  5. Tombo, I knew exactly what that was even before I clicked on it. Man, When I was younger I watched that movie like a hundred times.


    Angel, it does drive me insane! I guess it's hard to say it's a twitch, because it's not really. It's more like a pulse or something. And NO ONE CAN SEE IT!!! So when I'm like "Look! It happened again!!!" No one fucking believes me!


    Angryman, well whew. I've actualyl had a bunch of people tell me it happens to them from time to time, and it's pretty normal. I just hate that it happens more often now. Thanks for the reassurance.


    Ron, I don't think mine is quite that bad, but I feel your pain. Mine isn't noticed by anyone. Like I said above, it's more like a pulse than a twitch, and no one can see it but I can feel it. I've even looked at myself in the mirror while it was happening and I still could barely see what was going on in there. I'm sure it'll pass in due time. I probably should cut down on the coffee, just a little bit... Personally, I would've punched that guy in the eye for saying some shit like that to me. What an asshole. I'd make sure his eye was closed for at least a week.

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  6. I had bad dreams when I was reading "The Cell." Another good one by King. I've had that twitch from time to time. For me, it was a pain in the ass, but it didn't seem to be related to anything and went away, so I didn't mind. It wouldn't be too bad being Tweek for a day or two.

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  7. Hmmm...

    That picture made my eye twitch.

    Or something.

    I tried Word Press and it made my butt twitch. Good luck with it. Let me know how you like it.

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  8. Dr. Malach is in:

    1. It is seizures, start wearing a bycycle helemt where ever you go.
    2. It is Eye Lice, lose one eye there sorry
    3. It is the almight Cthulhu trying to contact you, we are all doomed
    4. It is stress.

    I pick 4.

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  9. Did you look at any of Malach's "designs" recently? They're horrible, and always make my eyes twitch.

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  10. Hungry MoFo, I've also begun to have bad dream since I started the book. Maybe that's where the twitch is coming from... Tweek is a pretty cool guy. One of my favorite South Park, Loonies.


    Mike, I have a feeling that more than your eye was twitching. I'm amazed you're the first person to comment on the photo. As for Wordpress, it just doesn't seem all that user friendly. I like the drag and drop and click and post simplicity that blogger gives me, but I'm weighing out the pros and cons, here.


    Malach, maybe I could borrow YOUR helmet. Although your head is so big, I don't know if it'll fit me.... That is a helmet, right?


    Atlas, you're such a meanie. But an extremely hot, sexy, meanie, so I'll allow it.

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  11. Thanks for dropping by hun. As regards the twitch - I've had those - they're maddening aren't they? All I can say is that for me it's usually a sign of stress and fatigue all rolled up together. Get yourself an all over body massage, and a truck load of sleep.

    Take care. x

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  12. I think you are just totally stressed out. Gotta figure out what the root cause is of all your stress, cause you are getting caught up in stress cycles where one thing leads to worrying about another thing and so forth and so on. I have had the eye thing last a few weeks, it should go away on its own, it just feels like forever cause it is literally IN YOUR FACE all the time.

    Have you considered asking doc for some medications for anxiety? That may help. Even for just a little while.

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  13. My dr said it could also be allergies, but my evil twitchy eye was stress related.
    Ex wives are like that. They make you crazy

    TV

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  14. I love my word press ever since I left blogger.

    It take a while to get use to word press & of course there are kinks, but it's worth it.

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  15. I got tutted at at work for reading your post with that picture.

    Curse you, curse your twitchy eye and sexy buttocks. *shakes fist in direction of the Atlantic*

    Hope you're not twitching anymore though :)

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  16. Wordpress is actually pretty easy to use... if you need help setting it up then let me know. Are you planning on hosting your domain? Or just redirecting it to a wordpress blog?

    Either way, I'd be happy to help. Once you have it set up you can choose from about a zillion wordpress layouts in a matter of a few minutes. Or you can make your own which is a lot more complicated. (My very simple layout is made by yours truly and it took me 2 days to figure out how to make it compatible with wordpress.)

    Sorry, now I'm babbling.

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  17. ask somebody to slap you really hard... hehe... i would literally try ANYTHING to get rid of it!!!

    don't go to wordpress... better the devil you know than the devil you don't know i say... a lot of hard work= wordpress

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  18. Yeah, it's stress. I get that every once in a while. If you have generalized anxiety about Everything (and who the fuck doesn't, these days?) there are a few pills that can help, ask your doc. And for God's sake (as my wife always tells me) stay away from those internet doctor sites- they'll only make you nuts with their "it's perfectly normal, UNLESS it happens to be deadly" stuff...

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  19. i used to get the twitchy eye, then I smoked some weed and it went away.for you I'd say lay off the caffeine

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  20. I have to agree with what most of the other people are saying here. It sounds to me like you're stressing out just a little too much and caffeine really doesn't help that very much. I'd limit myself to about one cup, first thing when you start your day out. If you're a coffee addict like I am, it will take the edge off of the 'no caffeine headache' that you'd get, but not make you twitchy (if that's the cause).

    I don't know your situation more than what you've written here, but it sounds to me like it's really just a passing physical phase. Someone above me mentioned getting on anti anxiety medication; I don't think that's in your best interest (please don't get offended and if you do, I'm really sorry) because of your history. Doctors tend to think someone asking for anti anxiety, or any kind of medication for that matter, is considered 'drug seeking behavior.' Don't forget, I'm actually a real doctor, not just an internet one.

    I do hope you're feeling a lot better. My comment is long enough, so I'm going to send you an email after, with some relaxation techniques that work extremely well.

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  21. Sounds like you're stressing out...chill out, will ya? Cut the caffeine, and try to relax. Have you ever tried yoga?? It really works!

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  22. Personally... I think your just winking at me...lol
    you sexy girl.

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  23. in my culture, twitchy eyes will mean two things:
    on the right: you will experience sadness and will cry.
    on the left: you will get something that will make you happy.

    i don't know the truth to it and choose to believe in the better when i have twitchy eyes, left or right.

    don't worry, it's a natural thing.

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  24. I'm really sorry that it's taking me so long to answer comments, but I'll be back soon. I've had some things going on that I'll talk about later, but for now, I'm going to answer comments, soon. Probably tomorrow. Sorry but I can't even stay focused long enough to answer individual comments right now. I'll be back soon.

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  25. Hope things are going well and the insane twitch is long gone. Just figured I would stop by and say hello.

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  26. I so hate that!

    I get the eye twitches all of the time.

    Try punching your eye.I bet you'll pay more attention to the throbbing than you will to the twitching.

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  27. I know exactly how that feels! Happens constantly with me, one day when I was a kid in grade school I actually went to the nurse because of it. It was actually bugging me that much.

    It's my first time here at your blog (followed the link after you commented on mine) and I found it throughly entertaining :)

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  28. Where are you SCG?? I really hope you're okay. I heard about the fires in California. Are they close to you? I'm genuinely concerned. Write soon!

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  29. Hi,

    I love your blog! I just voted for you for your blog for Bloggers Choice awards.

    Could you return the favor at:
    http://www.
    bloggerschoiceawards.com/blogs/show/21620

    Thanks,

    spEdLaw2

    ReplyDelete
  30. Hey Sweetie! Hope all is well, you are missed!

    ReplyDelete
  31. i had a twitchy eye before..it was soooooo annoying.turns out it was eye strain....so i had to lay off the computer screen, wear my glasses a bit more and give my conatct lenses a break...

    :)

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