Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Another year older, another year wider? Or wait. Wiser, I think...

Once upon a time, long, long ago, in the far away land of California, this woman met this man and got married. So then they decided (hopefully after getting married) to have a few kids! Hey, guess what! I happened to be one of them! Not the first one though... The first kid is sorta like the first pancake, anyway. It never quite comes out right...

Yeah, yeah. Sure enough, a birthday doth approach. On the wonderful day.. of the first of May.. I was born.. on a pile of hay. OK. That's bullshit. I was born in Kaiser hospital sometime in the middle of the night, I think. I asked my Mom and she doesn't remember. Must've been one special night, huh? Or day? Guess I'll never know. I'd like to think it was in the middle of the night and the hospital drugged her up so much that she couldn't possibly remember the time. It would also explain a hell of a lot of my problems (if you know what I mean...).

Alright. Thanks Mom for birthing me. Thanks world, for putting up with me. I'm shamelessly asking for people to wish me lots and lots of happy birthdays and to please just make my fucking day, because I absolutely LOVE birthdays. I'm not one of the people that hates them because I'm a year older. I really just love my birthday.

So, I would rather not mention how old I'm gonna be, but I'm old enough to drink, so that's all that matters. Oh, and if you paid attention to the little bogus hay poem, you'd know that it's not tonight, but by the time some of you read this, it'll probably be Thursday the 1st, or even later, so I figured posting it tonight was a good plan.

P.S. For anyone that would like to send gifts, feel free to email me and I'll give you an address where you can send expensive gifts, cards with cash, balloons, flowers, etc. I absolutely love getting presents. Doesn't everyone?

P.P.S. Admit it. I was one CUTE little girl. And I don't care if you think I'm a bitch for cutting one of my sisters out of the picture. It's my damn birthday.


  1. Hiya... I have been not coming for smetime!! Sorry about that

    But I couldn' t miss wishing you a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ooo and make a wish...because I just did!

    that all that yu wish for and look forward to...happen!!!

    have a very wonderful year :)

    Happy Birthday!

  2. Happy Birthday SCG!! And what a cute kiddie picture. Glad that I wasn't the only one that got placed in OshKoshBgosh overalls and a little tike.

  3. Glad that you're back. Happy Birthday. First kids suck anyway. I should know as a second born, neglected son.

  4. Veens, thanks! Wow, it's been awhile since I've seen you. Thanks for stopping in today!

    Tombo, haha, yeah. My Mom and the OshkoshB'goshes. She absolutely loved them. She thought (and still thinks) they were the cutest things were owned. I kinda have to agree.

    Polgara, Thanks!

    Hungry, just like me! Hey, being the second born, neglected daughter, made me turn out to be the awesome one, though. Both of my siblings are honestly a little off.

    Colonel, thank you!!! (a day early)

  5. Happy Birthday.

    I trust they dropped my present off in tact?

    I wasn't sure if you'd rather had the yellow Lamborghini or the red one...so I went with "tope."


  6. Happy birthday!!!! Hope all is goin great for you and enjoy your special day!!!!!

  7. Happy Birthday! :)

    I just found the comment you left of my blog god knows when (blogger stopped emailing me months ago). Bonsai trees rock :-D

    Email me pictures! :)

  8. Muchos Muchos Happy Birthday!!! Swing by Ohio some time for your spanking, I'll be waiting :)

  9. Mooog, I gave up Hot Wheels when I was like 9... It was a sweet gesture, though. More than anyone else gave me. Can you believe I only got two emails asking me where to send something? Un-fucking-believable. No one loves me. Boo hoo.

    Baby girl, thanks! I'll try!

    Red, well the other ones I had, broke and I'm down to one. I suppose I can take and send a photo of it, though. I've been giving it a lot of special treatment and attention because I don't want it to break or die. They really are a lot of work.

    Ronstoppable, be careful what you wish for. Ohio is number one on my list of important places to visit. Don't know if you'd be ready for the punch that follows that spanking you plan on giving me, though. Gracias por los muchos happy birthdays!

  10. I can send to you a "stoosamplewebomics.com" bumper sticker?

  11. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I happen to know how old you are. at least i think i do lol. i'd LOVE to send u something from here. if i send u a present will u write back to me? that would be so cool. anyways i sent u an email and even if u don't write back i'd send u something. happy bday again!

  12. I admit it. You were so adorable, Sissy. I'm amazed no one else has asked. What on earth happened?

    Happy birthday you little bitch. I miss you more than words can say. You need to get out of that house and get over here. If you don't answer my email or call me soon, I'm going to withhold my birthday gifts. Think I'm bluffing?

  13. I was about to apologise for commenting so late, but it seems that I'm actually early. Happy birthday. Blow out the candles and make a wish. Do you have something specific you want for your birthday that doesn't cost a ton of money? You're so spoiled!!!

  14. Awww hey cutie patootie! Happy Birthday!! If you are just old enough to drink then I feel like an old fart.

    I just placed a card with a obnoxiously large amount of cash in it for you in the mail. Don't spend it all at once youngin'. ;)

  15. Happy Birthday SCG. Hope you get everything you want and more! So, just how long have you been old enough to drink? I sincerely hope you don't say you're just turning old enough. Damn. Oh hell, with an ass like that, I don't think it matters.

  16. What?!? No pictures of you in your birthday suit?

  17. Malach, I don't have a car. I wouldn't have anywhere to put it. I do accept, VISA, Mastercard, American Express and any kind of gift card out there. Of course nothing substitutes cold, hard, cash.

    Lucky, I don't think you know how old I am. I'm pretty sure I never told you. Although it's possible. I'm a space case. I suppose I could send you a little note back. To be honest, my penmanship is terrible and I think I type a hell of a lot better than I write, but I do love getting mail and I wouldn't mind writing to someone halfway across the world. Can't get much safer. And I love getting mail from Ireland, too..

    Louie, why on earth would you bitch for me to call when your phone is off??? It's a setup, huh? Anyway, I got your package today and I haven't opened it. I promised myself I could wait until tomorrow and I can. I'll see you, soon. I really wanna go to the movies, so that's what we can do as a belated birthday get together next week, k?

    Sinead, cards suffice just fine. I really love my birthday. I really love anyone's birthday, but of course, mine is the most awesome. Hmm. Cheap gifts... I like nail polish, and hair stuff. I think that stuff is pretty cheap. Clips and headbands are my favorite. Don't worry about sending me anything. I was honestly half kidding about people sending me presents. But if you really want to...Who am I to stop you?

    Random, you look awesome. I think you're beautiful and I mean it sincerely. I would say, you look great for your age, but I don't even consider your age an old one, so I don't even think I need to say that. Anyway, you know how old I am, you sneak.

    Alex, not to worry. I'm not JUST turning 21.

    Anon, I have a feeling you're one of three people that I know personally, but so many people comment just like you, that it's hard to tell. Sorry, but the closest thing you're getting to my naked is my boo-tay.

  18. Angry man, thanks!!! You're officially my second happy birthday this morning. The first was via email. It's only 6am so I don't expect to get many phone calls this early.

  19. Happy B-Day!
    I'm flashing my massive pregnancy jugs at the computer for your b-day.

  20. C.rag, I don't know whether to stare in awe, or be grossed out because they're full of that clear colostrum shit.

  21. Happy Birthday Simply. Sorry I am late for the party, but you know me, I like to make an entrance.

  22. Don't worry, Gike. You weren't late at all and the entrance was fabulous. Thanks~!

  23. i've been away too long and i came just in time to wish you a HAPPY BIRTHDAY you cutie you! ;)~

  24. Jahooni, I don't blame you for not stopping in. I've been pretty inconsistent when it comes to posting. Thanks for dropping in just in time, and thanks for wishing me a happy birthday!!

  25. It's my first time here! So I'll join everyone else in saying Happy Birthday. Then I'll add for myself that i really like your butt dimples. heheh.

    Aaaanywho... for someone who laments almost anonymous blogging, you seem to have a lot of visitors! Well, I've got to dig into your archives, so I've got some reading to do now....

  26. Happy Belated Birthday...I'm a little behind.

  27. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! And my mom doesn't remember, either. I shouldn't be surprised, though.

  28. E.A. I used to hate the dimples but now I think they're kinda cute. ;) Thanks for the Happy Birthday wishes, and you're kinda right. Very few people actually know me that come to this blog. I do get a lot more emails than I do, comments, which is just fine. I like the attention, whether it's public attention or private. It's still a little surprising to me that so many people around the world care about what I have to say. It makes me feel pretty awesome. Hope you enjoy the archives! I haven't even been blogging for a year. Hell, I think I've only been blogging about 6 months.

    Malicious, nah. Don't worry. Better late than never, I always say. Thanks!!!

    Dyna, one of these days you'll actually read my answer to the comment you leave and send me a fucking link to your blog. It's gone and I always liked stopping in from time to time and seeing what wild new shit you were up to. Thanks for the Happy (belated) Birthday!

  29. Happy belated to you and me! We're pretty close in birfdays! I had one on the 29th of April and I would also rather not say how old I actually am. . . .

    Hope yours was as good as mine!

  30. haha... the first child is like the first pancake.. :) that made me crack up...

    looks like i missed it.. but happy birthday :)

  31. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! i'm the youngest of 5, so i'm bloody perfect ;)



    hope it's a great year ;)

  32. aaaaaaaaack!!!!!!!!! I'm late as usual!!!!!!!!!! I didn't know you were back posting or I would have been back here wishing you a happy birthday days ago!!!! I'M SORRY SCG!!!!! A HUGE HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY FROM MY PART OF THE COUNTRY!!!!

    I'd love to send you something. honestly! what do you want?

  33. Fucking God damn shit cocksucker. I answered the comments, all nice and long and shit, and blogger didn't post them. Fucking Blogger. And this is why I'm going to move over to Wordpress this month. Assholes. I promise I'll answer them when I get back in, which is going to be in about 2 hours. Sorry!

  34. Jen, happy birthday to you, too!!!! Sorry so late! I'll have to drop by your page and leave you a more formal greeting. I'm not exactly embarrassed about my age, I'm just scared someone I know might actually come across this thing and bust me, haha.

    Brat, it's never too late and I accept the belated happy birthday. If you say it late, that just means I get to have it last longer! Yay!

    Sweets, youngest of five? You poor, poor thing! I actually think the middle children are the best, but that's because I'm one.

    Alkee, better late than never, eh? If you really want to send em something, I absolutely love getting presents, so feel free to shoot me an email and I'll let you know how to get something to me. Thank you!


  35. lol, i think you were adorable! i hope you got lots and lots of pressies and emails!!!

  36. you were a cutie, no doubt about that. happy 9 days late birthday

  37. Angel, I got more emails than presents, but the presents I did get were really awesome.

    Ted, I still am a cutie. I accept the belate birthday. Im no better in that department. I was late in wishing you one, too. Oh well...

  38. Happy frickin' birthday!

    Yeah, you were one cute little kid! :)