Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Girls just wanna be Mean

Women are weird.

There. I said it. Men are weird, too, but women are really fucking weird. That's been my big revelation over the past couple of months. First off, last month I went to a babyshower. So, the shower is over and as usual, I was the "odd girl out," what with being the only person there not married, getting married, or pregnant...I kept running into the other room, slamming the door and chanting:

I don't want babies yet. I don't want to get pregnant yet.

I don't want babies yet. I don't want to get pregnant yet.

Those women were trying to trick my fucking ovaries. I could feel them tugging with every baby picture or flash of diamond. There's something about showers that makes a single girl look like Pippi Longstocking. "Oh, she just doesn't understand, that poor, poor girl."

The conversation was about people I didn't know, things I hadn't experienced, and babies that weren't mine. Not that I wasn't interested, but I just didn't know how to react. Everyone would laugh at the secret girl joke. Damn, I never paid my dues to that club.

Then I'm in a restaurant the other night, and I walk into the bathroom to see one girl on her hands and knees talking to the other girl in the stall. They are talking to each other about how long it's taking the one girl to pee, while the other is screeching, "You saw my panties! You saw my panties!" Then the rest of their friends come into the bathroom and start talking about whether or not one should wear her shirt tucked in (prude) or out (slutty). They decide that the point is moot anyway, because she's spilled ketchup on herself and she's just gonna look like a fat slob no matter how she does it.

Then my new issue of a magazine that shall remain unnamed came in the mail. The "Girlfriends Issue." In it, they discuss the many reasons that no guy could ever take the place of a good woman in your life. I was groaning before I opened the page.

I've never kept a real girlfriend. Ever. They always leave. They stop calling, they accuse me of things I didn't do. They all break my heart.

I've moved around a lot growing up and I never had a solid group of friends. I never had "girlfriends" growing up for very long because I'd leave eventually, and we always lost touch. But the friends I've stayed in contact with over the years? All boys. The boys always seem to call me or write me or ask how my family is doing. The girls? Well, many of them went on to date whoever it was I was dating before I moved, or they thought that I was really trying to date their boyfriend, or they listened to some gossip that told them I was lying about something.

I've never had that kind of treatment from a boy. I've never had to say, "And you believed her?" after a three month cold shoulder. Because they ask me right away instead of it festering.

I've always marveled at how men relate to each other. A bunch of men who have never met before will get together on a basketball court and play full contact ball. They have no idea what the other person's history is or if they are fair or a good player, but they all play together, patting each other on the ass after a good play, arguing over fouls, but generally getting along pretty well.

Try putting a bunch of strange women together someplace. Take the doctor's office, the bus, a store. Do we instantly bond? No! We stay to ourselves! We don't want to bother anyone, and if someone starts talking to us, we wonder what this "crazy woman" wants or why the hell she's talking to us since we don't know her. We aren't open from the beginning. We let people in gradually, because we're concerned about getting hurt. I really do wish that women had that openness that men have, because then maybe I'd understand them more. I'd understand that need to share each other's thoughts in a bathroom stall. I'd know why women whisper at each other and stare at me if I'm talking to a "male" friend.

When I was a kid, my best friends were always boys and it was never a problem until I was eight, and my best friends D and R, used to come over after school to play with me or go swimming. I remember my neighbor freaking out that we were home alone in our swim suits. I never thought of D or R in any other way than just friends, (hell, I was invited to their weddings) and it had never occurred to me that he could be a boyfriend, because I wasn't thinking about boys in that way. But then we started getting teased by students and teachers and parents that we were boyfriends and girlfriends, and we got so mad at the label that we drifted apart when we were children. (confession: I drifted away. I was embarrassed. I just wanted my friends back and now I had all these rules and we weren't supposed to hang out together if no one was home and it was only because they were boys. Anyway, I'm sorry, D and R, wherever you are right now.

I've never considered myself a threat to other women, but I've often been treated as such. Being "one of the guys" my whole life has made things very interesting. I am always included in "guy talk," but for a while that made me "like a girl," but not quite. I could never get the object of my crush to stop looking at the cheerleader and see that the girl giving him so much advice was totally in love with him for who he was and was female to boot. I'm also a dork and a nerd, and extremely weird, but that's another post for another time...

As I got older, being "one of the guys" meant that women didn't trust me. Would I tell the guys what they talked about? Was I a spy? Or the very worst-- was I actually just trying to steal their men? All three, completely ridiculous notions, but things I have been told as I ask another woman who used to be my friend why she doesn't call anymore.

I've also noticed that being a "cool chick" to guys makes you a weak link in girl cliques. They have tighter bonds because they are united in trying to understand men, and since I hang out with men regularly, I was usually the last asked to tag along to shop or see a movie. I missed out on pining for men with women and consoling over Chocolate Chocolate Chip Cookie ice cream. Don't think I don't miss the friendship of a woman, but I resent the fact that women seem to think that a man could never be the best friend in your life. My closest, closest friends my entire life have been men.

I once had a man tell me that every man that I think is my friend is just telling me what I want to hear to get me into bed. The whole "When Harry Met Sally" thing. I rolled my eyes to that (but inside become terribly paranoid that I'm fooling myself about everything, everything, everything) and told the guy that at the time no one had broken my hymen yet, and I wasn't doing anything to make them think that by watching MTV on the phone with me late at night was the best way to between my legs. It's been told to me numerous times since then, by numerous other men that were interested in me...

But I guess that's it, isn't it? Trust. Who do we trust to be our "Best Friend." The title passed around so often when we were younger, with some girls wearing three necklaces that said "Be Fri" or "Est Ends" and nineteen beaded safety pins on her shoelace. But as we get older, the name becomes more sacred, and we start looking at the Best Friend in a very Survival of the Fittest sort of way. We start testing each other. We start trying to figure out what she really meant when she said that thing about our hair. We get paranoid.

Because we are afraid of getting hurt. And with a male best friend, who may even be your boyfriend, those stakes are incredibly high. It's safer to have a girl as your best friend. But it sure is a blast to have a guy.

Sure, it's been harder having boys for best friends because inevitably they have guy friends who don't want a girl hanging around on some nights, and you get shuffled to the guys' girlfriends, who you don't know very well and have nothing in common with and you look like Wednesday Addams to them, but it's always been worth it. I don't have to wait six days to call a boy, and if he calls me on Thursday to see if I want to do something on Saturday, you bet your ass I'm going. Fuck the rules. I am my own girl...

But seriously, if someone could explain women to me, I'd really appreciate it. I'd just like to feel good about myself after a conversation with a bunch of women. Why do they like "America's Next Top Model?" What's the big deal about Matt Damon? Why do they want to know about my yeast infections? Why do they talk to me when I'm peeing? Why do they stare? Why do they stare? Why do they stare?

I know.

ok. On top of this very long, probably extremely boring post. I'm sad. I'm really, very sad. If anyone can say something to me to brighten my night, day, week, month....I'd really appreciate it. I'm having a very hard time today, that's seeping into tonight, and I'll probably wake up even more upset tomorrow because I'm about to go crawl into bed, mad, sad, angry, hurt, scared, and probably all kinds of other emotions; even though they say you should never go to bed like this...I am. I'd just rather be sleeping right now.


  1. I read your entire post... it wasn't boring, it was enlightening. I always wonder why girls suck so much as well. Women are bitches. I was "just one of the guys" in high school... and all of my best friends (guys) were always going after those bitchy stupid girls that I didn't understand.

    Well anyway, it doesn't matter. Don't waste any of your time wishing you could understand other women because you never will. Guys don't understand them, and frankly, I'm pretty sure most girls don't understand themselves either. But if you must... watch Sex and the City.

    As for your being sad... I don't know what to say except that a lot of people are going to be very happy that you are blogging again. I'd tell you a joke but I don't know any. But hey... here's a virtual hug... from a stranger... who wouldn't think you were weird if you struck a conversation with me on a bus or waiting room. Because dammit, I don't understand females either.

  2. Yay, you're back! :)

    Great post - I don't understand women either I'm afraid so I can't help you out there. My current theory is that they're all mental but think they're sane - whereas your average man just doesn't care whether he's mental or not so long as the football's on and he gets sex every now and then.

    We're uncomplicated. Weird, but uncomplicated.

    Hope you feel better soon! :)

  3. Finally you're back! Yay Yay Yay!!!!

    Some quotes for you:

    "You cannot stop the birds of sorrow from flying over your head..... But you can stop them building a nest in your hair.." - Chinese Proverb

    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” - Dr Suess

    "we are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." - Oscar Wilde.

    I hope you feel better soon! You're the one person who is sure to put a smile on my face, no matter how bad my day has been.

  4. At least your not a guy who's 5'2" tall.


    Feel better?

    I just made myself feel worse.

  5. Totally agree about women lol we are weird, if its any consolation with the baby shower thing im in the early stages of pregnancy and am seriously fed up that its all people talk to me about already!
    I am not just pregnant am still me!
    I hope you feel happier soon
    Pol x

  6. Thank god I'm not the only one that doesn't understand people of the female persuasion.

    My wife just hosted a baby shower (at which point I ran out of the house and didn't come back for four hours). When I get home she keeps talking about how nobody liked this girl and isn't she just such a slut? But everybody loves this other girl and wasn't she just so cute?

    Of course she couldn't properly articulate to me why the slutty girl got invited if nobody liked her..... WTF?

    Yeah, women are weird to say the least!

    Great post, and glad to see you back! :)

  7. My thoughts about cats and dogs can apply to men and women.

    Dogs are mentally retarded, cats are mentally ill, you see correlation.

    Now you need to figure out what to like more, retards who eat their own poo, and mental cases who throw poo at you . .


  8. Jess,

    It's hard being one of the guys! Well, in a lot of ways it's pretty fuckin' easy. On one hand you don't have to deal with a lot of the three way phone calls, or backstabbing. On the other hand, I'm a super girlie, guy. Make sense? I still wear heels and makeup. I wear cute little dresses and go to the gym everyday. So it's hard when I'm not invited to do girlie things with the other girls. Sometimes I just wish their mouths could be bolted shut like the chick in Beetlejuice. I imagine that would solve a hell of a lot of problems. And P.S. I don't know any jokes either! I've had tons of people tell me jokes over the years, and I never, ever remember them. Ugh. Wow...this was a really long answer.

    Red, most women readily admit they're insane if you ask them about themselves. The problem is, if you actually repeat that they're insane, they get really defensive. It's like a woman walking around the house looking in every mirror saying she looks fat in a certain shirt. "I look SO fat and disgusting in this shirt! Ahhh!" She makes it back to your bedroom where you clammer for the bathroom door because you know she's gonna ask the question... Now. Even though she's been saying she looks fat for the past hour, the minute she asks you, if you agree, you're fucking dead. So you put on your best happy face and tell her she looks amazing.

    Gluggy, Aww. Thanks. It's funny, I actually thought of comebacks for every single one of your little sayings, but then realized that they might've been funny, but a little negative sounding so I kept them to myself, haha.

    Moog, you're taller than I am. I'd actually have to look up to you! There. Feel better?

    Polgara, I can't fully relate, being as I'm not a Mom, but I've seen it happen. Wait until you hit your third trimester and even strangers are stopping on the street and smiling and looking at your belly and saying "Awww" like it's normal. You're gonna feel like a tourist attraction or like your tummy has healing powers, as often as other people want to touch it. I never thought I'd say this to anyone in a million years, since I really can't stand Ellen Page in anything else, but you should watch Juno. I love her perspective on pregnancy. (and women for that matter.)

    Tombo, I'll never forget sitting at a dinner table one night at this family's house in NY. Their daughters were visiting and they were just chopping people up like you wouldn't believe. I was sorta just cringing in the corner, keeping my mouth full of food so when they asked me questions about what I thought of so and so, or if I agreed with this or that, all I had to do was nod and grin or shrug my shoulders. I'll never, ever forget what one of the daughters said. With a very calm, almost calculating, scary face, she narrowed her eyes and said,"Oh man, I can't stand that bitch. I see her almost every single day, and she gets on my nerves. She's such a skeeze!" I, personally, had never heard her talk like this, being as they're an orthodox, Jewish family, so I remember my mouth sort of dropping open and dropping my fork. I ran to the kitchen to get another fork and I hear her in a more hushed tone... I can't quote exactly, because I honestly don't remember her exact words, but they were something to the effect of, "....but she'd never know it. I can hate someone with a passion and put on the nicest smile when I'm in their presence. She could think I'm her best friend." It really made me wonder how much she hated me. To this day, I fear that woman, and haven't spoken a word to her.

    Malach, Dogs also lick their own penises. If men could get away with that, I'm sure they would.

    And thanks everyone for the welcome backs. It's good to be back. :)

  9. Hey I just came across this blog post and I have to tell you, I totally relate. I recently just wrote a little rant about not having any girlfriends actually. (I do have a few but none where I live now). Being a girl in electrical engineering I've been one of the guys for a long time, and you are right, guys are usually really awesome friends. They are chill and funny and never get pissed at you for not calling back right away or some damn thing.

    I can't claim to understand women either, but here's one little tidbit from my (girly?) mind - women probably find you intimidating. I'm guessing from your butt picture that you're pretty attractive. Honestly, when I see girls wearing dresses and high heels I feel like I'm back in high school and I'm about to be made fun of for not knowing how to apply eyeliner. It's a dumb thing, I know... but although I'm much more comfortable with myself these days, I still have this irrational fear.

    So, if girls stare at you, it might be jealousy but it might also just be intimidation.

    And I hear ya on the baby shower... seems like all my friends are having babies these days too. :)

  10. So you put on your best happy face and tell her she looks amazing.

    And this is where my inability to lie gets me in serious fucking trouble.

    Ah well, it's a good job I like being single :)

  11. A lot of men are just trying to get into your pants, not all, but a lot.

    There is no real way to tell who is and who isn't, but over time I think you come to realize which friends you can trust, and which friends can't be trusted.

  12. Welcome back! Women are so confusing and really men are really confusing. So basically everyone confuses me. You need to find the people who accepts you for who you are whether they be male or female. Men think about sex 99.9% of the time so it's a fact that male friends have thought about getting in your pants, but that doesn't mean they aren't your friends, just male friends.

  13. SCG: I wish I had an answer. I've lost many a good men friend(s) to the power of "he's my man now and you can't be friends anymore."

    I can't even answer why we are so awful to one another? Maybe it goes back to wanting to be the "survival(ist) of the fittest"?

    Um. Yeah. Whatever. Women are just mean. Especially to one another.

  14. who cares if your male friends want to fuck you, it's a compliment. It's only trouble when they pine away for you like little bitches. The key to understanding women is to identify the different types. there are three major types of women: cool one's who get jokes, aren't easily offended and basically enjoy life. These women are hard to find. They are like men with breasts. Then there are the generic,nondescript women. the boring drones with mommmy haircuts and babies and boring stories. They are polite but indifferent. They will ask about your yeast infection but don't really care. They collect in packs and frown upon any deviation from the norm. They generally don't understand or like people different from themselves. Their lives are about their boyfriend then about their wedding, then their house untill finally their children, then all else falls to the wayside. They watch Oprah and Ellen and have no fun.

    Last but not least are the bitches, they are threatened by other women, make men miserable and are not happy unless they are making someone else as miserable as they are. They are easily offended, demand respect without giving it and are trouble makers. They will spread gossip and are generally vicious, you might like them at first meeting when they gossip about someone you know, rest assured they are saying the same stuff about you to someone else. stay away from bitches.
    now cheer up free wisdom from Ted.

  15. Chicks do tend to suck.
    It wasn't until I started working in my office did I find some real good girlfriends.
    In highschool, I too had more guy friends & college was a mix, but I never had a bff girlfriend. It takes too much effort to be friends with girls.

  16. So glad you're back. Your post wasn't boring at all!

    I have the same issues. I don't have very many women friends...most of them are guys. And it's a good thing Big Daddy isn't a jealous man or there would be trouble! :)

    You need to start thinking more positive thoughts. Saying "I'll probably wake up even more upset tomorrow..." makes it easier for you to do that. You've set the expectation. Instead, say, "I'm miserable, I'm going to bed, and after a good night's sleep I will feel refreshed and ready to start a new day." The power of positive thinking is truly amazing...please try it for a week and let me know how it works out!

    Talk soon!

  17. Amy, to be honest, I've never really had a problem not being able to wear makeup or high heels. I mentioned before that I really am a very girly girl. Intimidating though? Not in the least. I'm a tiny little thing. Usually when I think intimidating I think long blonde hair and long, sexy legs. There are two things that I'll never have. I have to wear shoes with a lift, because if I don't I look like I'm 12. I'm barely 5' tall. I can honestly testify, that I've never made fun of anyone with a group of girls in my life. I was usually the one being pushed in the school yard, or worried that someone put something in my lunch while I wasn't looking. I've had my tray knocked on the floor more than once by the "mean girls." So I can relate. Being teased sucks; but it didn't take me long to learn how to outwit the bitches, because I might not have been the toughest little thing, but I most definitely was the smartest and wittiest.

    Red, your inability to lie? Just don't look her in the eyes and you won't turn to stone. Kinda like Medusa.

    Ron, man aren't half as confusing as women. Most women, that is. Men are pretty easy to please. I think about sex a hell of a lot, too, so when it comes to keeping my man satisfied, that's not a problem. This is why I could never be a lesbian. Men are, for the most part, unless they're crazy, pretty predictable. Once you figure out what bothers them, all you have to do is avoid that ground. Women, on the other hand...something that didn't bother them last week, might bother them today because it bothers one of their friends. It's crazy, I tell you.

    Jen, I've also lost plenty of friends, that way. Then again, I've had guy friends of mine tell their girlfriends to fuck off if they didn't like the idea of us being friends, too. It's something I never ask my friends to do, because a good friend wants to see their friends happy, even if it means stepping back for their happiness.

    Ted, you pretty much nailed the categories. Last night when I read this comment, I thought of one more makot type, but it kinda of slipped my mind this morning. So, uh, yeah, that was pointless to type... Sally Homemaker, or Betty Crockers are needed in this world. If not, who the hell would bake us all those goodies and make all those really awesome hors d'oeuvres when we go watch the game at their houses?

    C.Rag, in high school, I had NO girlfriends. Seriously. None at all. I was deemed a slut for hanging out with the guys and the girls shot me nasty looks, no matter where I was. I really was the Wednesday Adams of High School, even though I was a hell of a lot hotter. At my last office job, there was only one other woman that worked in the office with me, and I have to say, she really was awful. She sat at her desk popping gum and filing her nails, and trying to talk about who was the hottest. For a week or so, it was fun. I liked to listen. But after awhile, that got really old, really fast. I'd try to stay busy as much as I could so that I didn't have to hear her gossip. I had a BFF once. Of course I don't know if it counts because I was like...8, and when I moved, I never heard from her again. :(

  18. Oops, sorry Ann! You sorta snuck in there while I was answering comments. Seems to me like most of your friends are his friends too, which helps a lot, I think.

    As for waking up shitty, I usually keep in mind, that sort of, hope for the best, expect the worst, concept and it works well for me. If I plan on waking up all chipper and I wake up with tears running down my face, then I'm even more upset because I planned to be happy. Hard to explain... I actually woke up feeling better because I ended up working out the problem before I fell asleep. Well, for the most part. So I woke up a little bit distressed, but for the most part, I felt just fine. Thanks for the advice. You're one of the coolest chicks I know. Or, uh...kinda know.

  19. i can't really say i could relate to all this because i've always had good friends that were girls. maybe women are different in other countries? hope your feeling better today then when you wrote this post and i am SOOOOOOO glad ur back! you couldve emailed me to tell me you posted! hope to see you posting more regularly soon!!!

  20. I think your perception of yourself is quite a bit different from the way other woman see you. You think you're not threatening because you're tiny, but it's always seemed to me (as another petite, barely 5-footer) that most women feel intimidated if another woman is smaller and more "delicate" looking than they are. Even the tall thin blonde types can feel oversized and unfeminine around someone small, especially if it's a girl who seems so at ease with guys they wish they could be as close to.

    I think women are conditioned to feel ashamed of their own bodies/hair/height/weight/etc. and are extremely vulnerable to being compared (even though it's mostly in their own heads) to other women. It's sad, and it doesn't justify meanness, but don't stop looking for nice women to be friends with. They are out there!

  21. I do believe you and I are kindred spirits, Anne Shirley.

    My very best friend in the whole world is a man ten years my senior. I met him when I got a job at Toys R Us. At first, of course, he talked to me because he though I was hot, and his goal was to get me into bed. Once I befriended him, he got to know and love me, and he's been a father figure to me for many, many years. So, he forgot about the sex and kept the friendship, and to this day we still hang out together.

    To cheer you up: I promise to converse with you and make you feel good about yourself when we're done (girl, you are, in fact, the shit). I don't necesariliy LIKE America's Next Top Model, but I find that, much like an automobile accident, it's very hard to look away (I do love the photo shoots though, as photography is my hobby). I can't stand Matt Damon, except for Dogma. I don't want to hear one fucking word about your yeast infection(s), woman, and I'll be damned if I'll discuss mine. I promise that I'll try not to talk to you while you're peeing, unless I'm out of toilet paper or I pass gas and begin laughing hysterically. Honey, they stare at you because you're gorgeous, and they hate that. LOL!

  22. I happen to know that you're a gorgeous girl. You're pretty, sexy AND intelligent. This is why women are intimidated. You're what women fear. A woman is always afraid that someone better looking, smarter, sexier, nicer, and just all around 'good' is going to come along and steal the spotlight off of her. Beauty's shelf life can only last so long honey and that's why they fear you. Not only are you really fucking hot, but you have the personality to boot, and that, sissy, is never going to go away. Chin up. You can always come by and eat ice cream. I could use a dose myself.

  23. Wow, what a great post. I am with ya there and feel yer pain. I have always gotten along better with men than with women. I have had 2 or 3 good female friends in my life, and they also get along well with men.

    Women who are threatened by you is not because you are friends with men, it is because they are not. They have insecurity issues and don't understand men, so you are a threat for what they lack, not for what you have

    I prefer women one on one. Then I am fine. But a group of the together, gets to catty for me. I just cannot stand the petty bullshit.

    You are still young but in time you will learn:
    Not to give a shit about what others think.
    Not to give a shit about what others say.
    You cannot control what others do.
    You do not need to reproduce to prove or validate yourself as a woman or person.
    You do not need to be married to prove/validate your life.
    There is no such thing as normal.

    I was called weird too, and I held that title with pride. I would rather be called weird, than other things I have heard folks called.

    Just a few things among many others you will learn as you go.

    Keep it real!

  24. ok you were feeling bad last week... so does that mean i don't have to cheer you up?? woman aren't all the same, remember that, having a chick friend who understands you is really cool, but alas, very hard to find! missed you!!!

  25. This is why Women are not priests yes, yes.

  26. I'm a few days late, but these are just for you-

    Quotations from women about women

    "The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy."
    - Helen Hayes (at 73)

    "You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman? It's plucking your eyebrows. That's how I originally got pierced ears."
    - Geri Jewell

    "Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart."
    - Caryn Leschen

    "I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once."
    - Jennifer Unlimited

    "If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be horrible warning."
    - Catherine Aird

    "I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb and I'm also not blonde."
    - Dolly Parton

    "You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy."
    - Erica Jong

    "I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on."
    - Roseanne Barr

    "When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country."
    - Elayne Boosler

    "I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career."
    - Gloria Steinem

    "If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?"
    - Linda Ellerbee

  27. Been a while, and yet when i stop back nothing has changed.... that's to say that yet again another quality post, another quality insight.

    my mates were always lads. you know where you are with them, they either wanna get in your pants or don't!

    Girls are evil, manipulative bitches growing up. (to me anyway)

    like you we moved a bit, like you i never had that one group of friends with me my whole life. guys let you in, girls close ranks...

    as my 11 yr old approaches teendom i begin to worry, begin to become anxious. but i know i have to let her find her way....

  28. i am so glad you're back scg!!!
    i for one missed your insight into the thing that is the human female mind!!!

    sooo... how to make you smile...

    i lost my internet connection tonght and i couldn't work out why- i closed everything and opened it again, retried and deleted temp files and went bananas. only to discover that my cat greebo had curled up behind my laptop where its warm and was lying on my remote aerial!!!

  29. Oops. I let my comments pile up. It's always so much harder to answer them if you don't check your blog for a day or two. OK. Here goes. Please, forgive some of the answers, because I'm extremely tired and a little delirious, so it might not all make perfect sense, if any at all...

    Lucky, I've always thought of you, through the little I know of you, as someone who was a girlie girl. Like the type that hangs with other girls, I mean. I don't mean that in an insulting way, honest. I'm in no way saying through this post that all women are bitches or that all women than hang out with women are bitches. I always just feel so different from them. Even my thought process seems different.

    Jess, I know that most, if not all women are intimidated by other women. My younger sister is taller than I am and when she puts on a pair of heels next to me, she's like a fucking amazonian thing! I'm one of the few women that actually likes being little. I like that I can get on the bus as a kid still and I like that last week a cop stopped me and thought I was skipping school because I was coming home from the gym with my backpack on. These days, the 'in' look, is really fucking tall and really fucking skinny. The designer, supermodel look. I wouldn't trade in my youth bus pass for that look. Not now. Not ever.

    Vulgar Wiz, my best friend in the whole wide world is a gay man. So yeah, in a way (please don't kill me lulu) he's the most feminine man I know, but at the same time, he's the most awesome person I have in my life, and have had in my life for a lot of years. I really do love the guy to death. I enjoy photo shoots, as well, since it's how I make my money...But after watching one of the seasons of Americas Next Top model, the whole season, mind you, I was pretty much disgusted at the women. They hand pick these women from the most ghetto, crappy lifestyles, and by the end of the season, they're just completely unbearably shallow and conceited. Actually, that show is a great example of what's wrong with a lot of women, today.

    Lulu, I love you to death. I'll see you this weekend. Count on it.

    Malicious, I can't even seem to hang on to female friends one on one. Seriously. Not for lack of trying, mind you. They just seem to be so 'sometimy' if that makes sense. Female friends are so needy and emotional. I'm all for a little drama. When I say a little, I really mean a really fucking minuscule amount, and I prefer if it doesn't involve me, at all. It's just that the majority of women thrive on it. I absolutely love being weird. I love the fact that no one can label me. I also love the fact that you can throw me in the center of a crowd of any type of people, and I can hold my own. Sorry if I drifted off of your comment...

    Sweets, finding one that understands me probably wouldn't be all that hard to find. It's finding one that I can understand!

    Malach, I think you meant to post that with your other screen name. I would've thought it was meant to be posted by your pope alter ego...

    Colonel, thanks! That might've been the smile I was looking for!

    Lou Lou, you scared me, haha. I started reading this comment and thinking, uh started out sounding like you were about to say something to the affect of, "Again, I'm here and another long-ass, boring post, talking about nothing." Heh. I'm kidding. I'm not a parent, but I strongly believe a parent should let their children find their own way, but while carefully guiding them in the right direction. I'm sure it's a hell of a lot easier said, than done.

    Angel, and THIS is why I have dogs. Well, not really the exact reason, but you might've just added to the list.

    Goodness, that was a hell of a lot of typing. I really need to start answering my comments, faster. It's tiring answering everything at once!!

  30. Interesting. I have been "one of the girls" since I was a teenager. I get along with the other guys when I want to, spitting and farting and telling crude stories. But, doing aerobics and yoga and just plain hanging out, I've had a lot of girl friends (as opposed to girlfriends). Although it fights against my hardware, I don't feel the need to lust after the women that I hang out with. My wife is happy about the situation and it allows us to do a lot more things together, since I can go along on girls' nights out. I draw the line at going to male strippers with the girls.

  31. i agree that guys do relate to each other pretty quickly. it's like they don't bring any hang-ups when they get together, they just get together. and i've been in the strange-women-together scenario...come to think of it, it is weird why women don't just open up. hmmmm.

    i'm a loner, so i don't have too many girl/guy friends, especially while i was growing up... :)

  32. I agree with most of what you said. I've always been the girl who was more comfortable hanging out in the garage with the boys rather than shopping with the women! I have a couple of great girlfriends and that's all I need because I know they are true girlfriends, but normally I find I just get along better with the guys. And there's nothing wrong with that! Nice blog by the way!

  33. You want something to make you feel better? Ok, how about this:

    You're way better looking than me.