Sunday, February 3, 2008

It's a nice day for a....white wedding

OK. That's it. I'm not drinking an energy boost drink EVER AGAIN.

I have a nice energy boost and everything, what with all the chemicals they put in that thing, but the nightmares that I have at night are simply terrible! I had my first Red Bull the other night and slept horribly. I kept dreaming that someone was chasing me and trying to kill me. My sister said she woke me up about three times that night because I was kicking and yelling.

I thought briefly about the Red Bull, but then decided it was just me being really tired that caused the dreams.

Well, last night being that most of the day I was pretty lethargic and sick, I had another energy drink because I was feeling really tired and I had the worst dream last night.

It was one of those dreams where you wake up going, "Oh, man. It's just a dream."

OK. So in the dream I'm getting married to this guy I know and like who shall remain unnamed for the time being until something between us changes. But for some reason this wedding was just sort of thrown together. I don't even think I'm wearing a bridal gown. There's all sorts of people there that I know, but they all look miserable-- like I've called them to a meeting. We have to wait in line for the couple before us to get married so that I can, and then when it's time, we're married before I even know what's happening. There's like, no ceremony at all. Then the photographer is pulling on my arm, "Hey, I forgot to take any pictures, so could you guys all stand in the center here and pretend you're having a good time?"

So we're all fake dancing in the center of this room where there's all these overturned chairs and tables and it's a mess and I see my reflection and I look like shit. I start trying to cheer all of my friends up, but they don't want to talk to each other, so some of them have moved on to other rooms and some are hiding and some are just getting drunk. I try to go out the front but someone stops me and says that my mother is out there getting the cake ready and getting my presents together.

I was really mad because some of my best friends didn't show up, but people who I think are only nice to me in person but are evil behind my back all were there, trying to kiss my cheek and tell me how happy they were for me.

I go to try and cheer someone else up, who for some reason is sitting on a wall with a couple of people I knew from high school and she tells me that I'm not going to get any cake if I don't hurry.

She was right. The cake was all gone. The presents were in a jumbled pile by the door and quite a mess.

I walked outside and sat in the grass. There were some Star Wars action figures there, so I picked them up and started playing with them like dolls. I made a little box-chair and was pretending that the Star Wars guys had gone to a strip club and the girl action figures were dancing for them. People were walking by and staring, but I didn't give a shit. I started rolling in the grass and creating this whole world for my action figure dolls just like I did when I was a kid. Some guy came up to me and told me that he didn't know what to get me for my wedding gift because I never registered anywhere and he had no idea what I would like. That's when it all hit me. I was married, I had no wedding presents that were any good, and I couldn't remember the ceremony. Then I sort of woke up in the dream and realized that I was in the bed alone. I was very upset that the last thing I remembered about my wedding night was playing with Star Wars action figures.

I went to my computer and sat down to write a blog entry and I thought to myself, "What am I going to tell everyone? They are expecting me to type 'Well, I'm a taken woman, now. Everything was beautiful. All went just as planned. Off to Cancun!' But instead I want to write, 'Could someone tell me what the fuck happened? Why did I spend my wedding night alone?'"

I went and found the guy I married, who was sleeping alone in a bed. He looked like he had been out drinking all night long. I woke him up. "Hey," I said, shaking his leg, "What happened last night? I never saw you?"

"Well, you were asleep," he said, "I didn't want to wake you."

"I just remembered we never planned a honeymoon."

"Well, you needed this wedding so badly, I guess it never occurred to you that we could use this ceremony as a chance to better our lives together."

"We didn't get any presents. We got one thing that looked like it wasn't an ash tray, and it's a battery charger."

"We didn't get any money."

"We don't have anything to do now. I don't even really remember it."

"That's fucking great."

"I just feel like maybe you are mad at me," I said to him.

"Really? Why do you think that?"

"Well, I just feel like maybe you didn't want to get married to me and you were doing it to be nice and now you hate me. I think you think we made a mistake."

Then his face somehow morphed into David Spade's: "Oh. You think?"

And I woke up yelling.

I've had wedding nightmares before. Once I dreamt that I was sitting around watching the sunset, and for some reason I knew that I had taken LSD, and since I've never taken LSD in my life I was curious as to what it would do to me. I was able to sit in the air and lean back like I was in a rocking chair and watch the sunset. When it was all over, I walked home feeling really safe-- until I accidentally walked onto a highway, and the concrete sides were too high and I thought I was going to be killed. When I made it home there was a huge party in my driveway and everyone was hugging me and telling me how beautiful I was. I asked my mother what everyone was talking about and she said, "Your wedding, silly."

I looked down at my hand and I had a ring there. The boyfriend that I had at the time really wanted to get married and I didn't, and in this dream he had drugged me, planned and went through a wedding. That's when I knew it was time to get out of the relationship. I was so upset that I had missed my wedding.

Anyway, I'm feeling a little bit better. I know I dropped a bombshell in my last post, but I really needed to lighten up my page a little bit. I don't want this blog to become one of those blogs I avoid and I don't want it not to be any different. I'm still feeling pretty yucky, but that's because I now have pneumonia on top of being on Methadone now. Actually, they've pretty much stabilized my dose which means that I'm not feeling symptoms of withdrawal at all, but the pneumonia is making up for it. Tonight is going to be one of my better nights. I can just feel it. Well, as long as I don't wake up in a Billy Idol video.

No more Red Bull. I mean it.

Oh, one last thing, if you've had the attention span to get this far into my post, I found this shit this morning and it scared me. So if Red Bull isn't giving me nightmares, I believe this has a fair shot. I tried to post the video but can only hyper link it.


  1. Wow, that was a crazy dream, what does it mean? Maybe fear of commitment?

  2. Baby, taking in that much caffeine before sleep isn't such a good idea ;)

  3. That WAS weird.

    Would you believe that I've never even had one can of Red Bull? No, really! And I think I won't now.

  4. Malach, I'm not scared of commitment. just marriage.

    Parad0x, when I was a teenager, I'd drink a cup of this really strong arabic coffee right before bed, and the zip it would give me would wind me up for about half an hour and then knock me out. This stuff isn't just loaded with caffeine. Its got all kinds of chemicals and crap in it too.

    Jay, no one even drinks Red Bull anymore. They have much more potent stuff. It's madness I tell you. All the super skinny chicks have replaced food with them.

  5. oh scg thats dreadful- step away from the energy drinks, at least until you can be sure that they're not causing nightmares!!!
    i've had some weird dreams lately, which is strange for me because i usually don't remember them at all!

  6. Angel, I often have strange and vivid dreams. I think energy drinks just puts them into hyper drive.

  7. If you have pneumonia, I'm assuming you're on antibiotics (we call them antibollox in my family) - they give me horrendous dreams, so maybe it's not JUST the Red Bull! Haven't a clue what that dream was about though - good luck with deciphering it.

    I was thinking of you yesterday, wondering how you were getting on, so was really pleased to see you'd posted. Take care of yourself. x

  8. oh babe first thing i'm SO glad your feeling better! i think you had a lot of people worried about you! pneumonia can be very dangerous and tricky. for a day you might think your better and them KAPLOWIE! you'll be sick even worse the next day or that night. get tons of rest and drink a lot. i had it a few years ago and it lasted almost a whole month!

    dayum you have some crazy dreams. i drink all kinds of rock star energy drinks and i've never had that problem. maybe the bad dreams are part of detox too? i could be wrong.

  9. just the thought of getting married again is enough for me to have nightmares... ;-)

  10. I've never tried an energy drink, other than coffee. I'll stick with booze.

    Many dreams are just your brain messing around while you are not controlling it with the awake part of your brain.

    I don't pay much attention to them. Notice that they often involve sex though.

  11. I'm not drinking anything with the word "bull" in it.

  12. Stop drinking caffeine before bed! I can't even eat rich desserts too close to bedtime! That's what happens when you get older! :o)

  13. Yeah, I think you should probably stay away from the energy drinks. I drink a lot of coffee and I am used to the caffeine, but if I drink it later at night, it really messes up my sleep.

    Pneumonia sucks. Hope you start feeling better soon.

  14. Energy drinks are evil. I tried one once & my heart & head felt like it was going to explode. I'm not use to that high level of sugar and caffeine.

  15. Yeah. . . I'm not ever having an Energy Drink after reading this. . . Never.

    They sound like the devil.

  16. Kitty, I guess it could be the anitbiotics. I don't take them very often, so I guess it's possible. I still blame energy drinks though. Evil, evil, evil. Thanks for your thoughts. They mean a lot.

    Lucky, pneumonia really is tricky. I'll feel better for a bit and then I'll be barfing and coughing up a lung. It could always be worse though and I usually heal up pretty quickly. Ugh. Those drinks are really bad for you. I think every once in awhile, it might not be bad, but all the time can't be good. I'm amazed they haven't been outlawed like Ephedrine.

    Sweetass, haha. Amen to that.

    bbc, your comments never ever cease to creep me out.

    Colonel, why not? Don't you want wings?

    Ann, rich desserts before bed time are a completely different issue. If I feel the need to eat something late at night it can't be anything heavy or very sweet. It makes me have the worst dreams. Usually my midnight snacks are fruit.

    Mike, I drink my cup of coffee in the morning, and sometimes I have some socially; like if I go to a coffee shop on my way somewhere or with friends. My pneumonia is pretty much at a standstill, but I guess since I feel like I've been sick forever, I'm kind of used to it. Nah. It's really not that bad. I'm a big girl and I'll be fine.

    C.rag, I know exactly what you mean. I had that same reaction with Trim Spa that stupid diet pill. The more powerful energy drinks would do that to me for sure. Red Bull is supposed to be one of the weaker ones.

    Jen, and now I can die knowing I've made a difference in this world!

  17. I wouldn't sell out energy drinks quite yet. There are some good all-natural and organic type ones that give you the boost w/o messing you up. However, Red Bull, Full Throttle, and Amp and the like will just fuck you up proper.

  18. Angry man, AMP! That was the one I was trying to think of the name of. My sister used to go out with her friends at night and instead of drinking booze, they'd drink Amp. We have the Lost Boy's House around here, so to get all wired and go hiking up there is pretty fucking cool to some. It's not anything special, just a big scary house on top of a fucking hill that will kill you. I'd personally rather do it drunk.

  19. Personally, I try to stay away from energy drinks. When i need a kick for late nights though, i generally go with 5 hour energy. It tastes like bottled ass, but it goes down quick and all the B-Vitamins keep you going. I still doubt it is healthy though. :)

    Hopefully the dreams go away...

  20. I wake up screaming everyday from the nightmare of actually being married.

  21. i've never drunk and enerygy drink either ( does that make me odd? or am i just odd anyway? lol)

    i don't drink after 10pm unless its water or eat after 9pm. I get horrendous dreams. Funny though if i'm drinking alcohol i can drink and eat what i like and the bad dreams stay at bay!

    Glad to hear you're doing ok aside from the pneumonia. hope you kick it's arse soon

  22. Tombo, I think I'll pass. When it comes down to it, if I really need a little jolt of caffeine, coffee works just fine. Either that, or Mountain Dew. My first few months of college, I used to make soda mixes that would knock your socks off.

    Ted, but at least you have a warm body next to you.

  23. Lou Lou, I'm so sorry I missed your comment. I didn't mean to ignore you. I very rarely eat anything after 7pm. It tends to just be empty calories, so it's better not to.

  24. Geeze, I must be really toxic. I can drink one and go to bed, dreamless. Not bragging here, I am actually disturbed. And I couldn't help but notice they didn't write "pussy" that they sang in the song on the lyrics! heh heh. Pussies.

  25. That dream was just about as messed up as that video was! ha ha

  26. Just checking in I hope you are doing well over there.

  27. You know, I'm not surprised that I weird you out.

  28. Dyna, I know a bunch of people that LIVE on those things. I noticed they skipped the word, pussy too. Haha.

    Pre Po, that video was scarier...

    Ron, thanks for checking in. To be honest, things could be better, but I'm hangin' in there.

    bbc, I imagine you get that reaction, often.

  29. Admittedly, I haven't read this whole post yet, but I wanted to drop by and just see how you're doing. I'll read up and comment properly tomorrow when I'm playing blog catch up. Big hugs for you!

  30. I love energy drinks. But not as much as I loved watching Hillary dance around in fishnet thigh high stockings.

  31. thats hectic girl.
    have you considered that is may be a result of getting of the pain killers?

  32. Sinead, thanks for checking in. No worries about not reading the whole post. I've been writing long, rambling stuff lately.

    Alex, Uh..Ew.

    Nos, I suppose it's possible.