Friday, December 28, 2007

I Love the Rain the Most...When it Stops

It's not often that I have the house completely to myself. Between my Mom and my sister, I'm usually dodging one of them left and right. This weekend my Mom went out of town to my aunt's funeral and my sister went to work, heading to her boyfriend's after.

So I was sitting in front of the fire with my pet laptop, when one of the dogs started crying and begging me to take him out. I got up, wandered to get his leash, still warm and lethargic from the heat of the fire I had going, and before I put it on him, I opened the door. Please note I was wearing nothing but a wifebeater, undies, and flip flops when I flew out the door after him screaming for him to stop because he managed to slip past me, before I got the leash on him.

Where I live, it's pitch black. It's in the middle of the woods, in the mountains, and you really don't run out without a flashlight. It was pouring rain and the dog was nowhere to be found.

Push Play

I stood in the middle of the clearing in front of the house, Christmas lights flashing, shivering just a bit, rain pouring down on my head and shoulders, and I let my head fall back and the rain pounded onto my face, dripping down over my neck, chest and body.
I forgot all about the dog, and I could hear the music in my house playing behind me and I began to sway, letting my hands rise toward the sky and I smiled. I smiled so big that giant tears began to mesh with the rain falling, and I spun in circles, arms stretched out at my sides, palms up, in the pouring, cold, rain. Occasionally I slowed even more just to wipe the vast amounts of rain getting in my eyes and nose.

With Mazzy Star lulling in the background, I crossed my hands over my chest and realized I wasn't smiling anymore. I was full on bawling in front of the house in the rain and still swaying to the soft sounds of the rainfall and dim music. I cried for everything and everyone. I cried for all the times I forgot to cry when I've lost something or I hurt in the past. I cried for all the pain I had hidden away so well when people were watching me. I just cried. I cried for me. Knowing no one could see me or hear me because of the rain, I bawled to a point where I could hear myself sobbing. Still spinning in the rain, slowly; soaked and shivering.

Eventually the dog came back, standing at my feet, looking at me, perplexed as to why I was standing, sobbing in the rain, almost naked. I imagine in his mind he was calling me a stupid human.

I knelt down, scraping one of my knees a little bit on the gravel rocks, and with a slight stinging ache, watched him run around me, count, four times before he stopped and let me put the leash on him. I walked around the house, not crying anymore and I felt more cleansed than I'd ever felt. Sometimes, all we need is a really good cry, all alone, in the pouring rain.

Just remember...rain is cold and you'll be shaking uncontrollably for about 20 minutes, even after you're back in the house and in front of the fire. I'm STILL cold.

I thought shit like this only happened in the movies...


  1. 1. Nice choice of song, that was me and the wife's wedding song
    2. I am now in love with you DAMN YOU INTERNET!

  2. this was SUCH a beautiful post scg! i almost cried reading it.
    malach scg is easy to fall in love with. i don't even like girls like that and i've been in love with this girl from the moment i found her blog. she has such a sweet soul.

  3. Those cries come few and far between over the years. I bet you feel a lot better now, Cupcake.


  4. I agree with ya, sometimes that's all we need--well, 'xcept fer the cryin' part, um, an' the bein' alone part, er, an' the rain part.

    The dog, i think it's the dog.

    Anyway, hope you warmer an' more comfortable now.

  5. When we were moving from Utah to Montana I was loading everything onto a big open trailer when a sudden heavy rain hit.

    I needed to get tarps over the load as fast as I could, Marie ran inside (the wuss) so I had to do it alone.

    In just moments I was soaked to the bone and then it didn't make any difference, I didn't care that I was wet.

    It was a warm rain, if she had helped me, when the tarps were up we could have stripped and sexed in the rain. But that didn't happen, the wuss.

    29 degrees here and the stars are out.

  6. Well just plain fucking beautifully written SCG. Glad the dog came back cause if it hadn't, I might be crying now.

  7. wow- how vivid. I felt like I was right there with you. Sometimes an extreme experience like that does wonders to awaken one's soul...

  8. Beautifully written post SC - I was right there with you twirling round in the rain, and I'm listening to Mazzy Star too.

    Hope you're warm again soon. x

  9. Hope you had some coffee w/Baileys ready to go immediately afterwards.

  10. *sigh* Beautiful post babe.

    Wanna hear something weird? Not even 10 minutes ago Fade Into You was playing on my iPod.

    A full out bawling session really is cleansing. I'm glad you released some of those emotions that I'm sure were building up. ((hugs))

  11. Malach, what's not to love?

    Lucky, thank you...I think.

    Lurker, I do feel better. I guess it was just what I needed.

    Big Daddy, thanks!

    Dubya, huh?

    BBC, Rain sex is awesome, although a little dirty. I think that after my little spin, it would've been nice to have someone there to lower me down and give me some great rain sex, but to be honest, I'm glad I was alone.

    Mike, thank you. It's funny, because usually I have to run all over screaming for him to come back when he gets out. It's a long task of searching, and coming back in the house empty handed, and having to leave the door open for when he did decide to grace us with his presence again. I love these dogs to death.

    Palm S S, you're right. Every once in awhile your body and emotions take control, and you're going to get run over if you don't step aside.

    Kitty, so you're sick this morning, too? The rain last night chilled me to the bone. I'm all achy this morning, like I had a thrashing session all night.

    Angry, I'm Irish. I have plenty of booze at hand, at all times. To be honest, I didn't think of the coffee last night. I just took a big shot of brandy when I came in, left over from Christmas Eggnog fun, and curled up with both dogs in front of the fire. Brandy goes down nice and warm. I'm considering the Bailey's in coffee today to ease a few of these aches and pains I got from the whole shivering ordeal.

    Random M, It's my relaxation music for at home. Usually I don't load the slow, sad songs into my ipod, for the reason that I'm running around while it's on. You can hear the stuff I have playing on it from the next room. I admit, it's a little weird it came on a few minutes before you read my post though. *hugs back* You always leave the nicest comments.

  12. Hey, Honey. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. Well, I am glad for the little break down, really. You gotta have them and the rain and Mazzy Star, and your outfit? Damn. You might want to contact Hollywood. In all seriousness...chin up, amiga. I am thinking of you bug time, Girl. xoxo

  13. This is my frist time commenting here and I wanted to let you know I'll be back. You have a style of writing that sucks your readers in and makes them not able to stop until they're at the end of the page. This morning I read more than half of your blog and tonight I plan on reading the rest. Thank you for sharing such a great moment.

  14. I think wow is all I'm going to be able to come up with. I'm speachless SC. Beautiful brilliant post.

  15. we make our own movies... loved this post girl!

  16. Dyna, I think it was more the lack of an outfit. I didn't really plan on going out almost naked. I have sweaters by the front door. But when the dog ran out, I needed to catch the little asshole. Bug time. :P

    Alkee, thank you. How flattering. And you're welcome.

    Sinead, thank you. p.s. could you please check your fucking email? I've been trying to ask you something for like 4 days.

    Sweetass, Either movies or soap operas.

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  18. Yeah, that does really sound like a scene from a movie. You are entitled to some tears--you've lost three family members!

  19. Great post, very evocative and beautifully described. Rain's a funny thing- I usually hate the thought of going out into it, but once I'm there and I'm wet, as BBC said, it's ok. It's even fun to be completely soaked, but not when it gets too cold. Warm fire & brandy sounds like the right end to the evening.

  20. Scott, I honestly don't think that was why I broke down. It was a mixture of so many things that just sort went on auto release.

    Colonel, I usually like walking out into the rain. I have these really cute little red galoshes that make for great puddle splashers. I had sworn off brandy for a minute because the smell of it made me sick after barfing up eggnog with a ton of brandy in it. But warm shots of brandy on a cold night, is nice.

    Anon, you're just now figuring this out?

  21. Bug time. BAH! :) nobody ever said this bitch can type!

  22. I suppose that Anonymous thinks he/she/it isn't insane. Well not insane, but we are bat shit crazy and I'm okay with that.

  23. i'd give you hugs but you'd get me all wet and stab me with those frozen nipples.

  24. Dyna, I speak fluent typo.

    bbc, I don't claim to be normal in any way, shape or form. My header says I'm insane. It also says I'm insatiable...Which probably adds just a bit to the insanity.

    Ted, you wish.

    Cupcake, ?

  25. You, Simply Curious, are an awesome, awesome individual. Fantastic post!

  26. I'm glad you cried, it means you can still love right? If you don't cry, your tears dry up inside you.

    Try some brandy; warm up from the inside.

    I hope you stay well, I don't know you, but you feel like a little sister to me and I wish I could help you out somehow.

  27. That is very cleansing, indeed! You're right, sometimes all we need is a good cry. It really does wonders for the psyche.

    I hope 2008 is a better year for you!

  28. Jen, thanks!

    Random, I think everyone does. Sometimes.

    Valley Girl, seriously. When I got inside, got warm and dry, I thought about it immediately.

    A girl, how sweet. Thank you.

    Ann, I strongly believe it will be. Thanks for the well wishes.

  29. SC, beautiful. Sometimes the Universe just reaches out, grabs you by the shoulders, shakes you, and forces you to shut everything else out and connect with it. Funny that it usually knows to do it when you need it the most.

  30. i finally had the chance to sit down, and read this post, and hear the music playing as you did. incredible. i think i'll go back and reread it again.

  31. Bruce, what a great description of what happened. Love it.

    DH, hope you enjoyed it. :)

  32. This is a poignant and brilliant post. Thank you.

  33. I love the post and the song. The picture is beautiful!

  34. May be when we cry, our pain also flows out?
    May be when we cry, the heart is lot lighter?

    crying for oneself is something that i don't do everyday.. when I feel like it.. i do go to the bathroom, start the tap and cry; or may be sometime sin the shower too..

    the song is beautiful..

  35. Fantastic post, Simply! I'm in full agreement that crying allows the pain to flow out of our bodies and cleanses our spirit.

    Happy New Year and here's to a pain free 08!

  36. wow... you made your own movie moment, awesome!