Tuesday, December 4, 2007

I'm 13 again. God help me.

I was tagged by Ted (isn't he just the funniest fuckin' guy around?) to do the letter to my 13 year old self, thing. I honestly avoid tags like the plague, but something about this tag just kept calling to me, over and over again. It's a little hard not to sound like others that have done this tag before me, but I'm going to give it a shot, anyway. Over the past few days that I haven't posted and I've lurked on other blogs, I couldn't help but flash over my life just a little and think that it might feel good to jot some of it down.

OK. Rules are, to link back to the person that tagged you, write a letter to your 13 year old self, and then tag 5 people to do the same. (I think)

In turn I tag:

Sara Sue
Sweet Ass
Dyna Girl
Winnipeg Princess

Dear S,

This letter is reaching your hands from the distant, or, not-so-distant, future. There are a few things I wanted to tell you, while I have this once in a lifetime opportunity, and I hope you listen to me. Maybe tomorrow I'll wake up a little less fucked up, if you do.

Right now, you're probably late for volleyball practice and wondering if anyone will notice. They won't. So you're better off going home, because you'll spend years of your life trying to impress those little blond bitches just to be spit on, over and over again...

Next year you're going to have one of those huge fights with your Mom, and you'll say "I hate you and I want to go live with my Dad" in her face for the last time. It'll hurt her to the point that she'll walk to your room in tears and start packing your shit. Let me tell you now, that you don't want to go there. All those stories your Mom told you about him are true. He'll drink and verbally abuse you. You'll leave home all the time and stay gone for weeks at a time and he won't even notice. Stop hurting your mother. She's the only one that will always stand by you.

Before your 15th birthday, a boy named Jayme is going to steal your heart. In an attempt to keep him, you're going to lose your virginity to him in his tree house and he's never going to speak to you again. Your dad is going to find out you had sex because he hears you one night giggling on the phone and he drags you to Planned Parenthood where they're going to tell you that you're pregnant. 2 weeks later you'll be drinking with your friend Sandra and have a miscarriage. Jayme's an asshole. Sandra's a bitch. Keep away from them and keep your legs closed. Later you'll find out that he got HIV from a girl named Kia and died before he turned 23. Be glad that wasn't you and thank God.

When you finally come back to your senses, your Dad puts you on a bus and sends you home.

You'll meet a girl named Tia, and she'll convince you to steal a car and drive it to LA. You two will decide to go dine and ditch at Denny's. Since you know you have a good heart, I don't have to tell you that you get caught because you felt so bad that you left the waitress your Mom's phone number so she wouldn't get in trouble with her boss. You'll spend a minute in Juvenile Hall and then your Mom will come and get you. I told you. She's always there for you.

Remember that asshole that touched you when you were little? This year he's going to get into an accident and lose a leg. That's right. It's true. What comes around goes around. You'll see him gain over 200 pounds over the years and become one of those old, fat, limping men, that you secretly hope won't sit next to you when they get on the bus.

After your stupid escapades as a teen, you'll slowly start to grow up. Of course you dabbled in drugs. Drugs were the least of your problems after a point. Never EVER stick your finger down your throat. You're not fat. Don't let anyone tell you that you're anything but beautiful. You only have big calves because you dance, and trust me, being limber will come in handy down the line.

You'll fall in love again. He'll break your heart and open your mind at the same time. I'm not going to tell you to avoid him, because it was a good life experience and makes you a very strong woman.

You'll go to Columbia University and decide it's not for you. You'll blow off a full academic scholarship so you can take pictures. I'm not going to tell you not to do it. Good for you. Do what makes you happy. You never wanted to be a lawyer, anyway.

On that note, I'm going to close this letter, and chin up little girl. It's a long bumpy road, but I promise you, one day you won't be so awkward. One day you'll be completely comfortable in your skin. And one day, you'll see, all those bitches that you thought were so hot in school, and they'll have fat, saggy asses and tits and they'll gnash their teeth when 'they see how amazing you've turned out.

Oh, and stop trying to act stupid to get in the retard class. They'll never let you in.



  1. incredible post! even better than the photos if that's possible for a staight man to say.

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. holy jeebus. Cartharsis time. Great job. I tagged you for a reason, I knew it would be good...... and I didn't know anyone else. Some dumbass named Kierkegaard said, "Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forward." so there. go live foward.

  4. Wow. Excellent letter to yourself. It's kind of fun to force yourself to look back from this perspective. Great job.

  5. Great letter SC. You've lived a lotta life in a short time. I hope you're happy now, you deserve it.

  6. Dh, thanks. I think?

    Ted, that was the most clear comment I've read in a long time. Maybe I'm losing my mind?

    Mike, I thoroughly enjoyed yours. It was a big inspiration to write my own.

    Bruce, I'm very happy, for the most part. I have my off days, but not very often. We all do.

    Shit, I forgot to tag people. I'm going to do that now.

  7. My my SCG, we might be many years apart and different genders but man do we have a lot in common.

    Yea, those jocks and cool guys are a bunch of fat assed bozos or dead today and I'm simply astounding. HAR!

  8. from me or from anyone? I'm always clear.

  9. S Hillbilly, I don't think I've ever mentioned my age...have I?

    Ted, I dunno. I don't remember why I said it.

  10. i so wish i could have received a letter from myself when i was 13, but then again i would have said...good grief don't listen to that ancient 35 year old woman! if only right! great post!

  11. This is the best meme ever!
    It shows so much about ourseleves.
    It so strange we do it in the virtual world.

  12. Hi - I've been reading your blog for a while, but I'm coming out of the comment closet for this post. Malach has created the best ever meme - your post for it was brilliant.

    Take care :-)

  13. Wow. That was fantastic! I often wish I could write to my 13-year-old self and give her a little insight. But then I think...even if it was possible, I wouldn't have listened to the advice, anyway.

    Ted - AMEN to living forward! No regrets, ever!

  14. my comment was meant to be a compliment. introspection is a beautiful thing.

  15. Nice job, I am glad you did my meme, excellent, scary, and hopeful

  16. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Boy did that suck me in.You are epic, SC. Seriously, me speechless is quite an accomplishment.

  17. Fantastic letter!

    [I've been seeing a lot of these types of meme's lately. I tend to like them more than the normal list.]

    There is MORE to you than people think they know. . .

    Thanks for sharing a piece of it.

  18. SCG, Not that I remember, but I've seen your ass and you definitely aint as old as I am.

  19. i love your letter to yourself, it's one of my favorites i've read so far. i'm glad you participated.

  20. Wow, that was a great letter. I'm amazed at the thought and effort many people are putting into this.

  21. Grilled Pizza, thanks!

    Sweetass, It's strange. When I was growing up, I was almost waiting for something like this to happen. Too many cartoons, maybe.

    C.rag, it depressed me, something awful. Last night I was moping around for hours. It was hard to drag up the shit that was stuffed away for what seems like a million years.

    Kitty, thank you! I always love getting new feedback... I have to agree. Best meme ever.

    Ann, fuck. Last night I said I was going to tag more people to do this and I spaced out. I want you to do it, so I'm adding your name to the post.

    Dh, I know. :P

    Malach, your meme is the best meme I've ever seen and probably the only one that I'll ever do. It sure has made its rounds. I'm going to tag some of my south African readers and it'll go far. Watch and see.

    Dyna, what an awesome compliment. Thanks so much. You do seem like the really chatty type. We should hang and get drinks sometime. :P

    Jen, do you want to do it? Now there's three that I want to tag...

    S Hillbilly, ah. I forgot about the ass already. Good point. Yeah, I'm pretty young. I'd rather not say how old or young, because I like the idea of anonymity and keeping people guessing.

    Tequila, I was SO close to not doing it. But I swear it was eating away at me. I even called my Mom at work and asked her," Ma, if you could write a letter to yourself when you were 13, what would you say?" She said,"Absolutely nothing. My experiences made me who I am today. And I have you. If I changed anything, I wouldn't have had my girls." I hung up and cried, then started writing.

    Colonel, it takes an emotional toll. I'm not a generally emotional person, but this was definitely therapeutic.

  22. OK, though it will be difficult to top your writing. I will give it a try tonight.

    Aren't you supposed to be in NY?

  23. Ann, can't wait! And I'm leaving Sunday for NY. I'm STILL not packed. I better hop to it.

  24. You better get moving, girl! Which panties did you decide on? Or did you?

  25. After tallying up the votes, I concluded with black. Although it still stands that if it's not freezing, maybe none at all.

  26. Every time I think I have you pegged, you write something deep like this and my image of you is completely distorted again. You sound like such a strong woman. I'm wondering how old you are now. I'll guess 26. Would I be right?

  27. the last few lines that you wrote made me cry! but then the last line made me laugh. i bet youre the kind of girl that lets things just roll off of you. is that right?

  28. Super letter my friend!

  29. Girl ... this meme is amazing! I'm all over the sphere crying and laughing at peoples' letters. Yours was truly a well written emotional roller coaster! (hand me a tissue!) I am flattered that you tagged me, truly, but I can't do the inner child work just now. I'm taking a rain check and will get to it by spring. Promise.

  30. Sinead, nope. You'd be wrong.

    Irish, sometimes. Sometimes I sit and stew in bullshit until I snap.

    Pre P, thanks, hun!

    Sara, I completely understand. I avoided it myself for a hot minute. It did me some good though. Really. When you finally do do it, I'd love to see it.

    Valley Girl, we all have. Just in different ways. That little letter wasn't even 1/8 of the shit I've done in my life. I've considered writing a book, but I can't seem to organize my thoughts.

    S Hillbilly, was that your guess on my age? If so, wrong guess. I won't tell on my blog, even if someone does guess. If you really want to know, feel free to email me.

  31. OK...I've written my letter. I didn't get too deep but still almost cried while writing it.

  32. Wow! What a letter. Made we wonder whether your letter would have actually changed your future if you read it.

  33. That aint no 33 year old ass

  34. wow...
    i have nothing else to say...

  35. Ann, it's good for you!

    Mybrid, It made me wonder if I'd want to have my life changed. I don't have any children, so it's not like I would have a whole hell of a lot to lose.

    Sinead, your guess would be wrong. No matter what you guess, it'll be wrong. I'm not telling.

    Lurker, ass connoisseur?

    Angel, I don't know what to say back to that either. So let's just sit in an uncomfortable silence.

  36. Brilliant letter, SCG. Hope you're having a blast in NYC!

  37. It sure is an interesting exercise. I can only imagine what I'm hoping: that in my next ten years I will learn just as much as I have in my last ten.

  38. that was so so great I totally loved it
    sad but great

  39. loved it! great blog. so true and sincere and so straight-forward!!
    keep on!!
    i voted for you!

  40. Here today, thanks.

    Shrig, I really did. ;)

    FOrt Knocks, We can all only hope to learn by making as few mistakes as possible. I can't say I regret most of my past experiences. They made me who I am, today.

    Nos, it wasn't all that sad. Well, maybe a little, even though I didn't mean it to be. Glad you liked it.

    Veens, Thanks!

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