Sister, You've Been on my Mind

"Let this be a lesson to you! Go downstairs and pick up those coasters, right now!" She threw them from the balcony on the second floor, and my Mom sent her down to pick them up. She was 2...

Angel was born when I was just a little girl. My mom got pregnant when I was old enough to know what was going on, and I was so excited to have a little baby all my own. My best friend's Mom got pregnant at exactly the same time, and our Mothers were friends. So while they sat together and ate bon bons, we would be in the front yard, doing handstands and letting the little boys across the street get peeks at our panties while we acted shy in our uniforms.

The closer my Mom got to having the baby, the more excited I got. I would buy her little things with my allowance and press my face against the large, swollen belly and sing to her. When she'd kick me in the cheek, I'd giggle and say she didn't like my singing and began talking instead.

I remember the day she was born. I heard my Mom on the phone and then she came to wake my other sister and me up. She told us gently that the baby was coming, but we had to go to school anyway. I argued and fought the idea, but I couldn't wait to go tell everyone that I was going to be a big sister. When I got to school I couldn't sit still and I gazed out the window, wondering if she had been born yet. At lunch I was running around telling everyone that my Mommy was in the hospital having a baby! After school, my Grandmother came to pick us up, and brought us to the hospital. I had a volleyball game but refused to go play.

When we finally got to the hospital, my Mom was walking around the hospital room breathing like it was really cold, in short breaths, with her hand on her back. I didn't want to leave the room. I wanted to see the baby come! My Mom finally insisted that I leave the room, and I pouted and cried, sitting in the waiting room. Before I knew it, her Dad, who is not my Dad, came out and said it's a girl! I jumped up and down, clapping, and they took us into the room, where I was told I couldn't hold her unless I was sitting down. I quickly ran to sit and he brought her over to me and I held that little girl in my arms, tears streaming down my face. "What's her name?" I asked. I was crying almost uncontrollably. I'd never held a brand new baby before, and this one was mine to keep.

When we got to bring her home, I loved changing diapers and stealing her away, any chance I could. I liked making her cry so I could be the one to make her stop. My best friend's mother had her baby a week after Angel was born. She'd bring the baby down and as they got a little bigger, we would take them to the baby park down the street and push them in the little baby swings. We would put them in their strollers and pretend we were Mommies.

As Angel got older she was a handful. I lost interest in being her Mommy, and decided that being her big sister would be a lot more fun, and a lot less responsibility. She followed me everywhere, and looked up to me like I was some kind of Greek Goddess. She was constantly throwing things out the window from the second floor. She was constantly taking the end of the toilet paper and walking through the house with it until the roll was completely unraveled. She threw fits. She loved attention. She loved me, and I loved her too.

Angel has grown into a stubborn, beautiful young woman. But sometimes I just don't know what to do with her. I love the girl with all my heart, but sometimes she has me at my wits end. This is my ode to Angel. I love you sis. I love you even when I scream that I hate you. Even as I'm writing this she's screaming at me. "What the fuck is your problem??" That's my baby sister!